The Thoughtful Parent

Book Review: The Curiosity Cycle

2012-01-31T22:14:00.004-06:00

Yes, finally a new post! Our family moved from Texas to Colorado in November so blogging had to take a backseat to life for awhile, but I'm back. I'm planning to start posting at least once a week now, so please keep reading.

Now, on to the main event. I recently had the chance to review a new book entitled The Curiosity Cycle: Preparing Your Child for the Ongoing Technological Explosion. The title intrigued me because, although I read quite a few parenting/child development books, the topic of technology is not one I have focused on yet. The author, Jonathan Mugan, has a background in psychology and computer science. Interesting combination, right? I wouldn't have necessarily thought about a computer scientist writing a book oriented towards parents but as it turns out, he offers an insightful approach to the topic.

The book opens with a thorough description of the curiosity cycle and how children use this to make sense of the world around them. For those of you like me with some background in psychology, the curiosity cycle sounded a lot like the development of a schema. Children use their innate curiosity about the world to gather information to form a model for understand an idea or concept (e.g., dog). As they encounter more experience in the world their model of what a "dog" is may have to be modified based on new information. Although many of us may not have thought about this process in such analytical terms before, I think we have all seen this happen with our children.

Mugan then address different areas of life in which the curiosity cycle is useful and how parents can encourage and maximize their children's curiosity. Fortunately, the curiosity cycle tends to feed on itself so that the more curious kids are, the more they learn and then become curious about more things in their world. The second part of the book addresses how the curiosity cycle has applications in the social, physical, emotional, and mental aspects of life. Throughout this section, Mugan offers very helpful "games" or strategies that parents can use to encourage not only curiosity, but critical thinking in their children. This was probably my favorite aspect of the book. The examples Mugan provides are not flashcards or formal exercises but everyday activities and conversations with children that parents could easily incorporate into their day. For example, one suggestion Mugan describes is pointing out to children the amazing aspects of everyday life. He says,

"Consider the marvel of McDonald's. Imagine that you were talking to a caveman who had spent all day hunting a woolly mammoth with nothing to show for it but a broken arm and some bruised ribs. You can tell him that there is this place where you walk in and order any food you want, as much as you want, and they give you the hot food you ordered and then they thank you."

I think these kinds of strategies are great. Helping kids understand the amazing aspects of everyday life not only fosters an attitude of gratefulness, but also prompts their interest in how these things came into existence. Through examples like these and other types, Mugan is able offer parents ideas on how to encourage skills such as goal-setting, self-efficacy, creativity, and self-control.

At this point, you may be wondering what all this has to do with technology. In the last chapter, Mugan makes the connect between the curiosity cycle and the ever-changing technological landscape that our children will face. To me, it comes down to this: unless a child (or adult) is curious and thinks critically, there is a good chance in the future that their role/job could be replaced by a computer. Mugan puts it this way, "Increasingly, your child will be evaluated less on the ability to regurgitate information, because computers can do that now, and more on the ability to create new things." The role of the curiosity cycle, then, is to help children learn the critical thinking skills necessary to effectively gather and use the information and technology that is available to them. I feel this is the key point of the book. An authentic, in-depth curiosity of the world is what our children will need to function well in the future. I find this point especially important in the atmosphere of standardized testing that seems to dominate our education system at this time. Although I think strides are being taken to incorporate more critical thinking skills into the educational process, in many places the push towards standardized testing has served to undermine the curiosity cycle. But that's another topic for another post.

Needless to say, I enjoyed this book and felt it was a unique approach to the topic. If you have an interest in fostering your child's curiosity (and what parent doesn't), then take a look at this book.

By the way, did you catch my guest post on Imagination Soup? I've written quite a bit lately about the distinction between academic and play-based preschool. This piece addresses the issue again and reviews some of the latest research on the topic. Take a look at all the wonderful resources at Imagination Soup while you're there.

More Evidence that "Difficult" Babies are Most Influenced by Parents

2011-11-01T13:48:00.001-05:00

I've written several times on this blog about children's temperaments and how they may or may not affect a child later in life. Based on the research that is coming out on this topic, it is becoming more and more clear that how a child's temperament influences his/her later behavior has a lot to do with the quality of the parental relationship. A recent study from the University of Maryland further reiterates this idea:

-- Researchers followed 84 infants from birth to age 2

-- Babies were rates on their level of irritability. This was based on how they reacted to stimuli such as hearing a bell ringing or being undressed

-- At 1 year of age, the attachment style of the babies was measured using the classic attachment rating process.

-- At 18-24 months of age, the children were brought to the laboratory to see how they reacted to an unfamiliar environment

-- Results shows that toddlers who were more irritable as infants were more likely to be sociable and interact well with the new environment if they have a secure attachment to their mothers

-- By contrast, toddlers who were more irritable as infants were less likely to be sociable if they had an insecure attachment to their mothers

-- Interestingly, for toddlers who were only moderately irritable as infants, the quality of attachment with their mothers had little influence on their sociability or willingness to engage with the new environment

So basically what this study tells us is that children who are highly irritable or "difficult" as infants are more vulnerable to the role of parental influence. If parents are responsive to them they have as much (or perhaps greater) likelihood to grow into sociable, engaged toddlers. However, these "difficult" babies are also more vulnerable to a lack of parent responsiveness and if this need is not met they are also more likely to be withdrawn or less sociable as toddlers.

This topic is so important because often times I think parents consider their child's temperament as something permanent or something that they have little influence over. Based on the research that's coming out, it's looking like temperament is more like a moderating factor, that in some ways may affect how susceptible a child is to the outside environment, including parenting actions.

I think a lot about this topic because I worry about all the babies out there who are considered "difficult" or have an irritable temperament. They often put more of a strain on parents--they require hours of holding, rocking, and soothing and as a parent you may wonder if you can keep it up. I worry that many parents or caregivers will simply think the child has a "bad" temperament and not see the positive characteristics the baby or child has to offer.

After reading the research, I have begun to see babies labeled as having a "difficult" temperament as having great promise for being outgoing, social children. These babies seem to be the most sensitive to parents' behavior and reactions, even more so than "easy" babies. Thus, while these babies may require more effort and attention, the amount of influence parents and caregivers have on these babies is also greater. There is something lovely in thinking about an irritable/fussy baby who turns into an outgoing, sociable toddler and this can be in large part due to attentive, responsive parents.

So if you are a parent of a irritable infant, take heart! All the effort you are putting forth for your child really is worth it (as if you had any doubt). In a year or so, you may begin to see an adventurous, engaging toddler emerge in your midst.

Stupica B, Sherman LJ, & Cassidy J (2011). Newborn irritability moderates the association between infant attachment security and toddler exploration and sociability. Child development, 82 (5), 1381-9 PMID: 21883159

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Help Set a Reading Record!

2011-10-04T10:40:00.001-05:00

I recently found out about We Give Books, an online campaign to get children and their parents reading and donating books to schools. It's a great idea. You simply sign up to read books online with your children and the organization donates books to schools all over the country every time you read. Additionally, they have several different reading campaigns and you can choose which one to support.

This Thursday, Oct. 6 they are hosting huge reading event to break the record for the largest shared reading event. All you need to do is pledge to read in person or online to help reach the goal. This year's book is one you and your kids will enjoy--Llama Llama Red Pajama. In addition to the world record, We Give Books hopes to use this campaign to donate 50,000 books to schools across the country.

I just signed up to read on Oct. 6. Join in the fun!

On SpongeBob, Silence, and the Challenges of Raising a "Digital Native"

2011-09-27T09:08:00.001-05:00

You may have noticed that SpongeBob Squarepants was all over the news last week. Who knew a little cartoon character could get so much media attention? Well, I jumped on the bandwagon also and posted a piece on the infamous "SpongeBob study" on Notes on Parenting. You can check out the details there, but the main point of the study was that 4-year-olds who watched SpongeBob for nine minutes had a more difficult time with tasks involving "execute function" (i.e., self-control) than kids who watched nine minutes of a slower-paced cartoon or those who drew pictures instead. The executive function task usually involves seeing how long a child can wait for a desired reward like a piece of candy.

The news media jumped on this story and again brought into public discussion the issue of media and the role in plays in children's development. While the issue of the study itself (fast-paced TV shows) is important, for me it brings to mind the larger issues at hand. What does it mean for us to be parenting our children in an era so consumed by media and technology. A thoughtful commentary by a leading researcher in the area of children's media, Dimitri Christakis, helped me focus my thoughts on this topic. He makes the distinction "digital natives" and "digital immigrants." Today's generation of children are considered digital natives because they were born after the influx of modern digital technology (e.g., email, internet, iPhones, etc.) so they have never known a world without these inventions. Their parents (and older generations), on the other hand, are digital immigrants because we only came to experience the internet and related technology as adults. In a sense, then, it is our role as parents to guide our children through a media landscape that we ourselves did not experience as children. Yes, we had TV as children, but we didn't have the plethora of media choices that now present themselves to our children at every turn. There are online videos, portable game and video players, numerous gaming devices, not to mention smart phones and tablet computers. The availability of media technology is sometimes overwhelming to us as adults, so consider how overwhelming it must be to young children. Of course, it may not seem like it's overwhelming by looking at them. These "digital native" children are often more adept at the new technology than we are, but one thing we as adults are more skilled at (hopefully) is self-regulation. We know how to regulate our use of technology so that we turn it off if it is distracting us from our task at hand or causing other problems. Children, on the other hand, are not usually very skilled in self-regulation at an early age. Many children, if allowed, will use two or three different types of media devices at once. You know you've seen this: the tween who is texting while also playing a video game and watching TV.

Some would argue that there is nothing wrong with this type of multi-tasking, media immersion. Isn't this type of immersion going to prepare children for the work world they will face in the future? Multi-tasking is the name of the game in the business world, right? While I know that this type of technology multi-tasking is commonplace, I think something is lost in the blur of constant noise (not to mention that research shows multi-tasking to be ineffective).

Regardless of one's religious/spiritual beliefs, I think almost everyone recognizes the need for silence in their lives. Time for reflection, thinking about decisions, beliefs, etc. It is increasingly difficult to find this type of silence in our media-laden world. It has become very difficult to find time to disconnect from all our technological devices long enough to focus on our inner thoughts. To me, this is the real concern with the SpongeBob-type shows of the world--it acclimates kids at a fast-paced mindset that is just unnecessary at a young age. Soon enough they will be inundated with media images, video games, etc., why not let young kids enjoy the simple, slow pace of childhood.

We all want our children to be thoughtful and considerate friends and citizens but this is hard to do if you are constantly distracted by technology. It's hard to focus on the ideas of another person if you are texting two other people at the same time you are talking with another. Just as important, we want our children to find and pursue their interests and passions in life--to find something that they really love to do. I feel it's hard to get in touch with this if you are always connected to some type of media or device and do not allow time for silence.

I can already tell that raising a "digital native" will have its challenges. Finding the balance between using technology for productivity, education, and entertainment without having it consume my child's life will be difficult at times. Personally, my goal is to help my son learn to use technology effectively at each age, but also learn how to turn it off and enjoy the silence.

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For Those Science Geeks Like Me...

2011-09-16T13:25:00.000-05:00

I just listened to a great Fresh Air episode about children's brain development that I thought I should share. In a quick 16 minutes the scientist/authors cover topics like how to get your kid to eat vegetables, encouraging self-control, and sensitive periods of brain development. It's worth a listen if you enjoy the science behind child development.

Book Review: Planet Explorers

2011-09-05T11:03:00.001-05:00

We are a book review kick here so today I have another review of a new series of kids' books. This series of ebooks, entitled Planet Explorers, are travel guides for kids. Great idea, right? Why didn't I think of that? These travel guides are designed for kids ages 8-12, but I could see even older kids and their parents enjoying them.

I had the opportunity to review Planet Explorers Chicago and Planet Explorers Disneyland. Although these books are in an electronic format (available for almost every eReader or mobile device) they are arranged much like a typical paper books with a table of contents, etc. This is helpful since it is a travel book and sometimes you want to skip to a particular section. Each of the books is organized with an introduction to the destination and a little history of the locale. This information is arranged in quick, easy-to-read lists that I think would appeal to the "tween" crowd. The books then highlight many of the main attractions of the destination and offer ideas for things to do at each spot. In the Disneyland book, for example, the sections are broken up by different parks or sections of the park. In the Chicago version, many of the main attractions are discussed in detail such as Shedd Aquarium and the Art Institute. Each book also offers suggestions for restaurants and shops that both kids and their parents can enjoy. One particularly helpful feature of Planet Explorers Disneyland is the use of quick symbols to describe features of the attractions, such as S=Scary, T=Thrilling, or W=Wet (you might get soaked). This is helpful for kids picking out attractions they don't want to miss and also helpful for parents to know what they are in store for.

Overall, I thought the Planet Explorers books were fun, useful, and actually quite educational. Each book contains a lot of historical facts about the destination organized in a fun way. At the end of each book, there are quizzes to help kids and parents "test their knowledge" of the locale. The fact that these books are in an electronic format will probably make them even more appealing to the "tween" age group to which they are targeted.

Before reading these books, I hadn't really considered a travel guide for kids but I can really see the appeal of them. All kids are different, but I was definitely the type of kid who would have enjoyed a travel guide like this. I always loved learning about the hidden details of places that we visited and sharing this information with my family. I could easily see many of today's kids enjoying this too, especially since the books include links to websites where the kids can find out more information. Books like Planet Explorers also help the kids take charge (to some degree) of their family's vacation. Armed with knowledge of the destination, kids can help make an informed decision about how to prioritize which attractions they would like to see or which ones they would like to spend more time exploring.

Although Labor Day means the end of vacation time for many of us, these Planet Explorers books are great to consider when planning ahead for your next family trip. Currently the series includes books for Disneyland, Walt Disney World, Chicago, and New York City, but more titles are in the works.

Book Review: The Adventures of Everyday Geniuses

2011-08-16T09:39:00.011-05:00

It's not often that I review books/products on this blog, but I recently had the opportunity to review a series of children's books that I thought were particularly unique. The book series written by Barbara Esham is called The Adventures of Everyday Geniuses. Each book focuses on a different challenge that children might face that may make them feel less competent in school, but are actually quite common. For example, one book focuses on difficulty with cursive handwriting, another tackles the topic of dyslexia, another focuses on problems paying attention and fidgeting in class.

One aspect of these books that I particularly liked was the fact that each book describes adults in the child's life or famous people that experienced the same challenge discussed my the main character. For example, the book on dyslexia tells of famous people throughout history who had dyslexia and overcame the challenge to succeed in their field. I think this approach would be helpful to aid kids in understanding the differences between people (i.e., their classmates) and that "different" does have to mean "bad." I could also see these books being potentially helpful in helping to prevent the teasing of other children, especially since the books explain why some kids are different.

I enjoyed reading the four books in the series that were sent to me, but I thought the one entitled Last to Finish: A Story about the Smarted Boy in Math Class, was particularly insightful. The story describes a boy who does well in school overall but has a lot of difficulty with timed math quizzes. The boy describes how his mind "freezes up" when the teacher starts the timer. At first, his parents and teacher think he may have a problem with learning math, but they soon discover that he has been doing his older brother's algebra homework, even though he's only in 3rd grade! Clearly, he has no problem with math, but has difficulty with the timed, rote aspect of the math assignments in his class. I thought it was interesting how the author was able to help the readers understand the difference between having a problem "learning math" and a problem with the format in which the math was presented. I imagine this is a problem that many children experience in school, and sometime parents (and perhaps teachers) are not aware of what is at the root of the problem.

Lastly, these books are good at offering concrete solutions for each of the issues described. Each book also includes a list of wonderful resources at the back of book for parents/teacher who want to delve deeper into the topic.

I encourage you to check out The Adventures of Everyday Geniuses. They would be great if your child is experiencing a particular school challenge or even if they have classmates who are having difficulties in school.

Babies and the Period of PURPLE Crying

2011-07-26T10:08:00.008-05:00

I just heard about an interesting new cause/educational campaign for new parents that I thought was worth sharing. It's called CLICK for Babies and it's a campaign to raise awareness about the risks of Shaken Baby Syndrome, particularly in the often-tumultuous first 3-4 months of a baby's life. The CLICK part of the campaign signifies the "clicking" of knitting needles as volunteers strive to knit hats for new babies across the country (and internationally). Although I'm not a knitter, it seems like a great way to get folks involved in the campaign. For you non-knitters like me, it's also easy to donate online.

One key aspect of this campaign is helping parents understand what the organizers call the period of PURPLE crying in newborns. No, purple does not stand for the color babies turn when crying but is an acronym to describe the periods of explained crying that young babies (and their parents) often experience.

P--Peak of crying. The worst crying tends of occur around 2 months of age and decline from 3-5 months

U--Unexpected. The crying often come on and stops for no apparent reason.

R--Resists soothing. The baby is often difficult to soothe.

P--Pain-like face. The baby may appear to be in pain even if they are not.

L--Long-lasting. The crying may go on for several hours a day.

E--Evening. The baby often cries more in the late afternoon or evening.

The goal is to help parents understand that this frequent crying of most often normal and does not necessarily mean anything is wrong with the baby. The hope is that educating parents on this issue may help prevent cases of Shaken Baby Syndrome, which is more common among babies that are especially fussy.

I am so glad that more information about this PURPLE crying phase is being distributed into the parenting community. Even with a background in child development, I was somewhat unprepared for the amount of crying my son went through as a young infant. It can be very stressful and emotionally draining, but I think it a little easier if you know that it is just a phase and you will get beyond it. The great news is that more and more research is finding that these fussy babies are often very well adjusted later in life, if they receive sensitive and attentive parenting. These babies seem to be especially sensitive to their environment, but that also means they are very receptive to good parenting and tend to thrive if properly supported by their parents.

I encourage you to spread this information to new or soon-to-be parents and maybe it will give them some peace of mind.

Parent-Child Relationship and the Link to Self-Control

2011-07-18T08:18:00.003-05:00

In my latest post on Notes on Parenting, I discuss research that illustrates the important link between a close, mutually responsive parent-child relationship and a child's development of self-control. We all know that self-control is an essential skill for children to learn for their own well-being as well as their success in school and life. Perhaps equally important is the fact that these close parent-child relationships also make it less likely that parents will use forceful discipline tactics such as corporal punishment. This is especially relevant in light of the recent well-publicized "real-time" study of spanking.

The Discussion Continues: Academic vs Play-Based Preschool

2011-06-21T09:44:00.008-05:00

Just a quick post today, but I wanted to add one more follow-up to the discussion of academic vs. play-based preschools. I've discussed this topic here and here, and based on the research I've read, I'm becoming more and more convinced that play-based preschool better supports what we know about how children development both academically and socially. While academic-based preschools may provide immediate "results" in the form of children learning to read sooner, etc., but this may be undermined by children becoming disinterested in learning by early elementary school. This Canadian article reiterates what much of the research shows--one of the primary goals of preschool is to help students develop self-regulation and play-based preschool promotes this goal in a better, more child-friendly way. Research has continued to show that self-regulation is a better predictor of a child's later academic success (and life success) than IQ tests or academic tests.

This debate about the different types of preschool is likely to go on for years, but I think it is important, as a parent, to understand the distinction.

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The Subtle Beauty of Child Development

2011-05-31T09:45:00.006-05:00

There is has been a lot of talk in the media lately about rigorous, academic preschools meant to ensure a child’s future academic (if not career) success. First, there was the story of the woman in New York who sued a preschool when she felt it did not adequately prepare her daughter for a high-stakes intelligence test required to enter a competitive private school. She claimed the preschool was not a school, but simply a big “playroom.” Then there was the article in the New York Times about Kumon and other tutoring companies catering to younger clientele (as young as 2). This prompted what I felt was a very thoughtful piece by Ellen Galinsky who offered a more middle-of-the road approach to young children’s education. She aptly points out that while children do learn skills from the Kumon-style approach, the key component is not some much the flashcards and puzzles, but the presence of an engaged adult who is eager to teach and learn. In the case of Kumon, this adult happens to be a “teacher” rather than a parent. Do parents feel inadequate to be a teacher/guide/observer with their child? Or are they simply to busy to take on this role and find it easier to hand it over to the tutoring businesses?

Here’s what we know from a research perspective: play is crucial to preschool-aged children. The playground is the “testing ground” for not only the academic skills they will need later, but perhaps more importantly, the social skills they will need to succeed in school and in life. More and more research is showing how children who lack social skills often fail to thrive in school, even though they are academically capable, because the social aspect is so important. Why is this? Because interaction with peers is one of the ways children learn not only learn how to “play nice” but it is how they learn to control their own emotions and behavior. This self-control, in turn, is one of the best predictors of academic and career success. In fact, some studies have shown that training in social and emotional skills is as beneficial as academic training in helping students who are struggling in school. Furthermore, developmental scientists will tell you that young children learn concepts of math, sciences, and language better in a play-based setting than a “drill-and-kill” rote learning setting offered by many “academic” preschools, due in large part to the social interaction that is involved in play-based learning.

Beyond the research, however, is the question of why? Why do many parents feel the need or pressure to enroll their young children in such academically rigorous preschools? Although a lack of understanding of child development may be part of the issue, I think other factors must be at play. One issue may be the recent economic decline. Has the economic downturn of recent years made parents so fearful of their children’s career future that they are resorting to academic preschools out of fear? This may be part of the motivation for many parents.

Additionally, I do feel that we have lost some understanding of subtlety in this country. By that I mean that there seems to be an emphasis on direct results, black-and-white answers, etc. The interesting thing about child development is that it is subtle in so many ways. If you watch a child carefully over the course of many months (if not years) you will see them gradually learn concepts, language, ideas, but you have to watch closely. You will not see quick results overnight with most aspects of child development. I think this is why play-based preschools are not as attractive to many parents, especially those parents that are the results-oriented, pressure-driven type. Over the course of time, a child will learn about concepts of volume, fractions, and density while playing with water and sand on the playground. This type of learning, however, is much more subtle than a child being able to recite some flashcards that they reviewed for a week straight. A child in a play-based preschool may not be able to tell you straight out that 2 + 2 = 4, but I imagine if you asked them to pick up 4 balls, they would know what to do. I admit that seeing a child recite answers to questions that you’ve reviewed with them is somewhat gratifying to us as adults, but is the other, more subtle type of learning any less valuable?

Although my son is only 2 years old, I have already seen evidence of this difference in learning. Lately I’ve been working with him on learning colors. I’ll point out things at the store and name their color or mention the colors of animals, etc. Now, if I straight out ask him what color an object is, he will inevitably get it wrong. However, if he wants an object and is pointing to it and asking for it, he will almost always call it the correct color (“blue one”). There is something to be said for a child’s intrinsic motivation to learn what important to them, not necessarily what’s important to us.

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National Children's Mental Health Awareness Day

2011-05-02T13:57:00.010-05:00

Today is National Children's Mental Health Awareness Day, which is hosted by the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA). I think many people don't often consider the state of children's mental health. I know when I think of "mental health problems" I usually tend to picture adults, not children. Mental health issues are a serious problem for children and young adults, too. Some reports cite that as many as 50% of patients who experience anxiety or mood disorders, describe an onset of symptoms by age 14. For more great information and myth-busting about young children and mental health see Lisa's post at Regarding Baby.

This year's theme for awareness day focuses on building resilience for young children dealing with trauma. Although they may not seem aware of it, children as young as 18 months old who experience traumatic events can go on to have later behavioral and psychological problems as a result. Most of us do not like to think about our children experiencing anything traumatic, but it is more common than you might think. Consider this statistic from the SAMHSA:

In 2009, researchers found that more than 60 percent of youth age 17 and younger have been exposed to crime, violence, and abuse either directly or indirectly including witnessing a violent act, assault with a weapon, sexual victimization, child maltreatment, and dating violence. Nearly 10 percent were injured during the exposure to violence, 10 percent were exposed to maltreatment by caretaker, and 6 percent were a victim of sexual assault.

This exposure to violence is hard to think about, but traumatic events can also be of a less violent nature as well. We never know when events like the death of a loved one or a natural disaster may shake our children's feelings of safety and well-being. It is helpful to know what to look for in your child to know if events such as these are negatively impacting their psychological well-being and development. Child development specialists suggest being aware of the following behaviors if a child you know has recently experienced a traumatic event:

Separation anxiety or clinginess toward teachers or caregivers
Changes in appetite
Decreased interest in and/or withdrawal from friends or family and normal activities
Over- or under-reaction to physical contact, sudden movements, and sounds
Angry outbursts and/or aggression
More frequent complaints of headaches, stomachaches, or fatigue
Repeatedly recreating the event through comments, drawings, or activity
Emotional “numbing,” or expressing no feelings at all about the event

If handled with care and support, children can be quite resilient in the face of adversity, but adults need to be aware that children often process these events differently than adults. Here are some other useful tips and suggestions for helping children be resilient.

We will all face some type of adversity in our lives and so I think these tips for learning how to be resilient are helpful for all of us at almost any age. Children, however, are particularly vulnerable to traumatic experiences and therefore this day is especially important to shed light on their needs and what we, as adults, can do to help them.

Fussy Babies and Later Behavior: Complex Results

2011-04-26T09:26:00.006-05:00

If you are the parent of an especially fussy or colicky baby, you may wonder whether their temperament at this early age is a sign of later behavior problems. Well, this a perfect case to illustrate the complex science that is the study of child development.

A recent study out of Europe showed that babies who have "regulatory problems" (e.g., persistent crying, difficulty eating or sleeping) were more likely to have childhood behavioral problems such as ADHD and aggression. This study was a meta-analysis, which means that the researchers pooled results from a group of studies on this topic (22 in this case) and statistically analyzed them all together. Meta-analysis is a widely accepted statistical procedure but it is tricky. Although the studies all research the same topic, they had different ways of measuring "regulatory problems" and differing samples of children. Additionally, the authors of this study found that the increased risk of behavioral problems was more likely among families with other risk factors such as poor parent-child interactions or depression.

This study reminded me of a study I highlighted awhile back. It too looked at the relationship between babies early temperament and later behavior. The main difference was that this study was not a meta-analysis, but rather a single study that examined about 1,500 children. Another important difference was that this study took into account the parenting skill of the families involved. In contrast to the European study, this one found that fussy babies are only more likely to have later behavioral or academic problems IF they received less-than-optimal parenting. In other words, children that were fussy as infants fared as well (if not better) than other children if their parents were attentive, sensitive, and responsive to their needs.

Considering these two studies together, it seems that babies who have a hard time regulating themselves need extra attention and sensitivity from parents to thrive later in life. Some researchers believe that fussy or colicky babies are especially sensitive to their external environment and this is why they have a difficult time with self-regulation. While this can be taxing on parents, the good news is that if they can put forth the extra patience and energy needed to care for these babies, the result will most likely be a happy, well-adjusted child.

These studies also illustrate an important point about scientific research, particularly that involving human behavior. Human behavior is notoriously complex and while researchers try to factor in as many variables as possible, it is often hard to fully examine an issue with one study. This is why it is unwise to simply take one study as the "truth" on a topic. It often takes many years and many different studies on a particular topic to fully understand the issue.

Hemmi MH, Wolke D, & Schneider S (2011). Associations between problems with crying, sleeping and/or feeding in infancy and long-term behavioural outcomes in childhood: a meta-analysis. Archives of disease in childhood PMID: 21508059

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What is the Goal of Preschool?

2011-04-18T13:06:00.009-05:00

Today I'm blogging over at Notes on Parenting on the topic of preschools--what it's all about and what are some of the differences in preschools. As I learned, there is a growing distinction between "play-based" and "academic" preschools and the child development research seems to clearly support one over the other. It's an interesting topic, if I do say so myself. Check it out and all the great posts from Notes on Parenting.

The Ultimate Blog Party!

2011-03-29T10:39:00.004-05:00

I'm not usually one to participate in blog parties, but I have a certain fondness in my heart for 5 Minutes for Mom's Ultimate Blog Party. This is one of the first blog events I participated in and it was a great way to find fellow bloggers that I still enjoy reading today. If you are a blogger, I encourage you to participate and check out all the wonderful blogs.

Now, on to the introductions: I'm a wife and stay-at-home mom to a wonderful almost 2-year-old boy. Prior to my mommy life, I studied Human Development and Family Sciences and graduated with my PhD in 2008. During grad school, I realized how little of the important academic research on child development and parenting actually reached the hands of the people who need it--parents! The goal with my blog is to "translate" some of this great research into a parent-friendly, easy to read format. I don't claim to be a parenting "expert." I'm learning as I go, just like everyone else, but I do think knowing the latest research is helpful.

Please check out my posts and let me know if you have suggestions for topics you'd like me to discuss. Thanks for visiting!

I'm Just Tired: Children's Sleep and the Socioeconomic Status Achievement Gap

2011-03-29T09:30:00.010-05:00

Finally, a new post! Sorry for not posting lately but we have had a lot of family activities going on. Spring time in Texas is prime time for outdoor activities before the 100+ degrees of summer hits. Now, on to the research...

We all know sleep is important, especially for children. A recent study showed that missing just one hour of sleep can reduce a child's cognitive abilities the next day by almost 2 years. For example, a 5th grader who misses sleep the night before, may perform like a 3rd grader the next day in school (reference from Dr. Michele Borba).

Recently researchers have begun to consider the relationship between insufficient sleep, family socioeconomic status (SES), and a child's academic performance. This is a new, interesting line of research.

Researchers have long studied the connection between SES and children's school performance. The theories for why this connection exists are many and varied--children of low SES typically have fewer resources so they may have less access to good schools, fewer books and toys. Children from low SES homes are also more likely to have behavior problems, which may affect their school performance. Researchers theorize that this may be due to their parents experiencing a great deal of stress in their lives, which may compromise their ability to parent well.

But what about the connection between insufficient sleep and SES? Researchers are beginning to find that this relationship is common and statistically significant. Children from low-income homes are more likely to have sleep-disordered breathing, poor sleep quality, and shorter sleep times.

A recent longitudinal study found support for the idea that these differences in sleep patterns between families of varying SES may explain some of the variation seen in children's academic performance. The study found that when sleep quality was high for children from both low-income and higher-income families, both groups of children performed similarly on cognitive tests. However, when sleep problems were present (which were more likely to be among low-income children), children from low-income families were more likely to perform poorly on cognitive tests.

So why does there seem to be this connection between low SES and poor sleep patterns among children? Researchers are still testing out the theories, but some ideas include:

- low-income families are typically larger so more room sharing and poor ventilation is more likely

- health problems like asthma are more common among low-income families. Similarly, children may not be receiving high-quality health care and thus these health problems may be compromising sleep quality

- low-income families are more likely to have inconsistent schedules or experience longer work hours, which may negatively affect children's sleep

Personally, I feel this is a much-needed area of new research that could reveal some very important issues. Sleep is so fundamental and crucial to our functioning as human beings (just ask any parent of a newborn), but we often take it for granted. For children, sleep is even more important and they are often not able to communicate that tiredness is the source of their lack of focus or crankiness.

Here are some great suggestions for parents and teachers to help children get enough sleep.

Buckhalt, J. (2011). Insufficient Sleep and the Socioeconomic Status Achievement Gap Child Development Perspectives, 5 (1), 59-65 DOI: 10.1111/j.1750-8606.2010.00151.x

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The Power of Words...a Follow Up

2011-02-22T10:27:00.007-06:00

A few weeks ago I wrote a post entitled, "The Power of Words" in which I described studies showing that the gap in academic achievement between economically disadvantaged children and their more economically privileged counterparts can be reduced by interventions that encourage parents to talk to their infants frequently. Sounds easy enough, right? Well, it is but I thought I'd follow up with more description of the types of talking and reading that are very helpful to kids' development. I recently read an article that introduced me to the term "dialogic reading." To be honest, I had never heard this term before, but once I understood what it was, it seemed to be a natural thing that most parents probably do. I think just about all parents know the importance of reading to your child, but how do you read together? Dialogic reading involves not just reading the book from cover to cover, but asking your child questions about the characters, what they are doing, their colors, etc.

What researchers are finding, however, is that this type of dialog should be extended to everyday life experiences as well. Developmentalists encourage parents to narrate their everyday activities to their child. This can mean talking about anything--how you are washing the dishes or shopping for apples or combing your hair. This language-rich environment helps the child learn language sooner and expand their vocabulary and literacy. The impact these skills can have on a child's future is dramatic. Here's an excerpt from the article that sums it up well,

But we need to expand our conceptions of dialogic reading to include the everyday interactions and experiences of young children. The talk that occurs in the course of regular activities (e.g., doing laundry, cooking, walking the dog, watching television) can be every bit as important as the talk that occurs while reading a story. Simply put, we should promote "dialogic living." This concept should extend beyond parents to all those who care for young children -- early learning teachers, home-based caregivers, baby-sitters, and grandparents.
Without dialogic living that centers on rich, positive, and consistent talk, very young children almost surely will not make a strong start toward emotional engagement and early literacy. And early literacy is, perhaps, the single best predictor of later success in school, college, and life.
At a time when the public debate in the United States is riveted on the importance of fixing our underperforming education system, this simple truth -- that helping lower-demographic parents understand the value of talking -- may be as central to educational improvement as any other single move our society could make. As Hart and Risley and other researchers have shown, early talk plays a major role in language and vocabulary development, which has a dramatic impact on literacy, which in turn is a major predictor of long-term academic and professional success. The links in this long, continuous chain of learning and development start to form at the very beginning of children's lives.
Words really are power.

New Blog Design

2011-02-19T13:50:00.004-06:00

The Thoughtful Parent has a new look! I think the header better captures the goal of the blog. Thanks to Lena at Premades for a Purpose for the great design. Hope you all like the new, cleaner look.

About.com Readers' Choice Awards

2011-02-13T13:17:00.004-06:00

Warning--shameless self-promotion coming up! The Thoughtful Parent has been nominated for About.com's Readers' Choice Awards for Best Live and Learn Parenting Blog. If you have a moment, please take the time to click a vote for me.

Thanks for reading and your continued support of The Thoughtful Parent!

When Does Merchandising Go Too Far?

2011-02-08T10:06:00.006-06:00

I recently read an article in the New York Times that reported how the Walt Disney company just started a new division called Disney Baby. Big surprise, right? I thought this must already exist given the plethora of baby items with Disney characters on them. It turns out that Disney has just been licensing their characters to other producers of baby items. This new division, however, this is a little different. One of the main thrusts of this new division is to partner with 580 maternity hospitals in the United States to provide new moms and babies with free samples/products while they are still in the hospital. Disney Baby goes so far as to send a representative to the new mom's hospital room to demonstrate the products' features (mostly clothing like onesies) and to encourage them to sign up for emails from the company. Really?

I can't help but think this is over the top. As someone who can still clearly remember those early hours and days in the hospital with my newborn son, I can tell you the last thing I wanted was for another person to enter my room for any reason other than the care of myself and my son. I think a lot of new mothers feel this way. I know that it has been customary for years for hospitals to provide "swag bags" to new moms full of products from companies, especially those who make formula and bottles. I'm not a big fan of that either, but at least that is somewhat subtle. No one comes to your room to promote the formula or bottles they're pushing.

Personally I feel this is a symptom of a larger issue involving the merchandising of children's lives. I have become much more aware of this recently as my son (19 months) is becoming more aware of characters, brands, etc. For example, we let him watch part of Toy Store exactly 2 times for a total of maybe an hour. Since then anytime he sees anything with Buzz or Woody on it, he goes crazy. Lesson learned--characters (especially Disney characters) are "addictive." Since then, we haven't let him watch it anymore. Granted, it's not just Disney that is a pro at this marketing; Thomas the Train, PBS Kids, and any number of children's media do it too. I, for one, am a little concerned about my son wanting to have toys, clothes, food products, etc. all be centered around a mass-marketed character.

I know we live in the United States and this is just part of our consumer society but I resent the underlying assumption that mass marketing to kids at every age (now even birth) is acceptable. Little children have very little power to resist this type of marketing, but we, as parents do. I think it's important to at least be a savvy consumer and really think about these issues before buying the next character-based item for a child. I know I cannot shield my son from all this marketing, but I feel it is my job to help him see (as he grows) the value of "plain" toys and eventually understand how to thoughtfully manage his own consumption of such products and media. Come to think of it, I think that's one of my major goals as a parent in many areas--not to shield him from everything, but teach him how to discern which ideas, media, products, behavior are appropriate for his life and that reinforce the values we hope to instill in him.

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this issue. Has Disney gone too far with their marketing to new moms?

Resources for the Journey

2011-02-01T09:56:00.011-06:00

Every once in awhile I like to share great parenting resources that I have recently found. Given my child development background (and because I'm sort of nerdy), I'm always on the lookout for good, insightful parenting information. Here are some of my most recent finds:

Books

- Parenting with Reason by Esther Strahan, Wallace Dixon, Jr., and J. Burton Banks--I've only read a few chapters of this books but I can already tell it's going to be good. They succinctly summarize the child development research on a variety of topics like potty training, discipline, sleeping, and family structure. This is a good starting point if you are looking into a new topic.

Websites/blogs

-Babble.com's column Science of Kids by Heather Turgeon--Heather is a writer after my own heart. Like me, she tries to keep parents updated on the latest child development research.

-Notes on Parenting--Ok, this link is a little self-serving since I am a contributer to this blog, but really has great articles. The authors are primarily grad students or recent PhD in fields like child development, psychology, and education.

-Regarding Baby by Lisa Sunbury--Lisa is an early childhood professional who provides great information about parenting in the early years.

-Baby Shrink--Dr. Heather is a psychologist and mother of four who writes from both a research and mom perspective. A great combination!

Organizations

-University of Waterloo Centre for Child Studies--I recently found their director, Daniela O'Neill on Twitter and I'm so glad I did. She leads up research on children's language and thought development. Even parents less nerdy than me will find the links and resources on their website interesting.

-Center for Media and Child Health--If you have any concerns about the role that media plays in your child's life, this is the organization for you. Their feature called "Ask the Mediatrician" is particularly helpful.

If you have parenting resources that you enjoy, please let me know!

You Can Survive Colic

2011-01-25T09:48:00.011-06:00

I recently came across a very interesting article from The New Yorker entitled, The Colic Conundrum and oh, how I could relate to this article. My son (now 19 months) was quite fussy as an infant and although he was never formally diagnosed with colic, I believe that's probably the only label that would describe his behavior. Although he did not have all the "symptoms" described in this article, he did have to be held, bounced, rocked, and nursed the majority of the day in order for him not to cry for long periods. He slept fairly well at night (2-3 hours at a time) but in his early months the only way he slept that long was for him to sleep on either my or my husband's chest. Additionally, he HATED the car seat. Once strapped in it, he might be content for 5-10 minutes and then it was blood-curdling screaming the rest of the time. Needless to say, we didn't leave the house much. I rarely discuss my son on this blog, but I felt like this topic was one where my personal experience might help other new moms out there who are struggling with this difficult issue.

The main point of the New Yorker article was that, despite years of research, doctors and psychologists really do not know much about what causes colic or how to treat it. Before having a child, I always thought colic was a gastrointestinal problem in which the baby has a difficult time digesting milk and this causes stomach pain. Although some infants with colic do have digestion problems, including reflux, many babies do not and simply seem to cry for no reason.

One researcher who has done quite a bit of work in recent years on the subject of colic believes that these babies are "hypersensitive to normal stimuli"; that is, "they perceive and react to changes in their bodies (such as hunger or gas pangs) or in their environment (such as loud noises or the experience of being touched) more acutely than do other babies." Although I don't know if there is much research to support this hypothesis, I think this is one of the best theories I've heard. Like many parents, I had read Dr. Harvey Karp's The Happiest Baby on the Block, while pregnant and I understood the neurological immaturity of newborns. Dr. Karp argues that the first three months of a newborn's life are really like a "fourth trimester" in which they have to adapt to life outside the womb. Unlike other mammals, humans are born still being very immature, both physically and neurologically. They go from existing in a warm, dark environment of constant movement, noise, and nourishment to a world that is bright, cold, and by their standards, quiet.

After carefully observing my son for weeks, I began to see that this theory seemed to fit him. He was especially sensitive to stimuli and had very little ability to self-soothe. Of course, no newborn has much ability to self-soothe but you may notice that some young infants will suck on their hands or take a pacifier. For others, like my son, none of these strategies offer comfort. My son was very alert and for lack of a better word, jumpy. He often startled easily at the sound of the air conditioner turning on or cars driving by. On the other hand, he was soothed by the sound of things like the hair dryer or the vacuum cleaner (great tip from Dr. Karp's book!). He loved constant motion like being in the front pack baby carrier while bouncing on an exercise ball.

Theories aside, I write all this to say: colic does get better! This is hard to hear if you are trying to cope with a baby who seems to cry endlessly, but know that it does get easier. Around 3 months by son started having longer and longer periods of awake, happy time and by 6 months he had established a fairly regular sleep schedule and would actually nap during the day for more than 30 minutes at a time. I am happy to report that now he is a very happy, healthy, active (climbing on everything!) toddler who has learned to self-soothe and will actually tolerate the car seat.

One issue the New Yorker article points out that I feel is very important is the fact that having a baby with colic often puts moms at risk for depression and a poor infant-parent relationship. It's easy to see why this could happen. Professor Barry Lester who studies colic, describes it this way,

The most common thing our patients say is, ‘I must be doing something wrong.’ It triggers a whole cycle: the mother feels inadequate and unable to parent effectively. And when these mothers get angry at their baby, they feel guiltier: ‘How can I get angry at my baby?’ The problem spirals out of control.”

Feeling as though you cannot do anything to soothe your child is very discouraging, but it's important to realize that, in most cases, you are doing all you can do by simply responding to the baby's needs as best you can. Even if the baby continues to cry despite the rocking, feeding, etc., I firmly believe that the baby internalizes the fact that you are there helping him/her try to cope. Studies have shown that babies who are responded to promptly (especially in the first 3 months) will, over time, cry less frequently.

If you have a colicky baby, it's also important to seek out support when you need it. I was very fortunate to have a wonderful husband, parents, and in-laws to help provide support (and keep things in perspective) when I needed it. Even if you can find a trusted person to just hold the baby for an hour so you can take a break and gather your thoughts, it will make a difference in your state of mind.

You may feel (as I did) that colic "stole" the first few months of you and your baby's life together, but know that all the efforts you put forth for your baby will ultimately pay great dividends with a happy, content baby. In a few months when you see your baby contently playing with a toy, you will not take that happiness for granted.

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The Power of Words

2011-01-11T09:26:00.007-06:00

There was recently a fascinating story on NPR about closing the achievement gap between high and low-income children by focusing on parent-infant interactions. It may seem odd that child development specialists have turned their attention to infants. Isn't this too young to worry about achievement gaps that are seen many years later?

What researchers have found is that starting earlier gives low-income children a jump start for later academic achievement. Twenty or thirty years ago, interventions for low-income children often did not begin until they were of preschool age (usually about 4 years old). While some of these interventions helped to a certain degree, researchers began to see that many 4 year olds of low-income backgrounds were already trailing behind other children in vocabulary. After further investigation, researchers found that one of the primary reasons for this disparity was due to the amount of time parents spend talking to their young children. In a 1995 study, researchers found that low-income children heard about 600 words per hour, compared to 2,100 words per hour in a higher-income family. It became clear to researchers that exposure to language was one of the key factors to help close the achievement gap they were seeing in these children years later.

Now many child interventions for underprivileged children focus on coaching parents on how to interact with their infants to use more language. This usually includes skills such as labeling objects, narrating behavior that parents are doing, and helping the child become engaged with objects or toys. These seemingly simple interventions have shown fairly dramatic results. In one study, such interventions resulted in a 50% increase in the amount of narration parents used with their infants. These interventions were also associated with a decrease in the amount of TV seen by low-income infants.

These results are very promising but we do not know yet what, if any, long term effects they will have. These types of interventions alone, of course, will not solve all the challenges that underprivileged children face, but it is a good start. The thing that I found amazing about this story was how something parents take for granted (talking to your infant) can have such a huge impact on their development. In the midst of daily parenting duties, it's easy to forget how much these little interactions with your child matter. This was a great reminder for me that talking and interacting with my child is my primary "task" as a parent and that the little moments really add up to a lifetime of development.

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Mr. Sandman Bring Me a...Smart Kid?

2011-01-04T09:48:00.011-06:00

As parents we know that sleep is important for our kids and ourselves. One of the biggest struggles many parents face is getting their little ones to sleep through the night consistently. Many times, we may think this is a selfish goal since that means we will get more sleep too, but new research is showing once again that nighttime sleep is important for young children's cognitive development.

This study appeared in a recent edition of the journal Child Development and was conducted by researchers at the University of Montreal and the University of Minnesota. One great thing about this study is that it was longitudinal. Researchers first studied the children when they were 1 and 1 1/2 years old, then they followed up with them when they were 1 1/2 and 2 years old. Granted, it's not a long time span for follow-up (6 months) but at least it was longitudinal which is an advantage over a one-time assessment.

The children's parents were asked to complete a 3-day sleep diary for their youngsters, which recorded nighttime sleep, naps, and any night wakings. Then the children's cognitive development was assessed, with most of the tests focusing on executive functioning. I've discussed executive functioning previously on this blog, but it's a crucial aspect of child development in the early years. Executive function involves skills like one's ability to control one's impulses (i.e., self-control), remember things and look at information in new/creative ways (i.e., mental flexibility). It may seem like these skills are too complicated for young toddlers, but they are indeed developing these skills even at this young age.

The main finding of the study was that children who got most of their sleep at night did better on subsequent tests of executive function, particularly those related to impulse control. These findings held true even after considering other factors such as parents' background and the child's overall cognitive skills. Interestingly, the number of nighttime wakings and total amount of sleep were not related to children's executive functioning. I found this last point particularly interesting, given that nighttime wakings would presumably be disruptive to the rest that the brain is getting during sleep. The researchers point out that they were surprised by this finding as well, but argued that this may be an artifact of the way sleep interruptions were measured in the study.

It is important to point out that this study does not necessarily imply a causal relationship between nighttime sleep and executive function. As the authors point out, it is possible that some children's brains (for reasons not considered in this study) develop quicker and thus are able to regulate nighttime sleep and executive function sooner. The other idea is that family factors may have a lot to do with both children's sleep patterns and the development of executive function. For example, previous research has shown that factors such as parental warmth, marital discord, and bedtime behaviors influence children's sleep patterns. So it could be that certain family factors influence both the regulation of nighttime sleep and the development of executive function.

As a parent, I found this study to be added motivation to continue encouraging my toddler to sleep well at night. Most parents of little ones already know that good sleep is crucial to toddlers remaining in good spirits throughout the day. This research just reiterates that thought. It seems odd that many kids seem to "fight" sleep so much when it is so good for them. Sleep does a body (and brain) good.

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Bernier A, Carlson SM, Bordeleau S, & Carrier J (2010). Relations between physiological and cognitive regulatory systems: infant sleep regulation and subsequent executive functioning. Child development, 81 (6), 1739-52 PMID: 21077861

The Thoughtful Parent Top Ten

2010-12-30T20:55:00.008-06:00

Yes, I know it's that time of year when everyone seems to be putting together top 10 lists. I can't be left out, right? So, in case you missed some, here are the top 10 posts of 2010 from The Thoughtful Parent (based on number of hits per post).

1. 2010 Notable Children's Books. A list of the top children's books from the Association for Library Services to Children.

2. Temperament: A Two-Part Series. Describes the basic concept of temperament and where researchers think it originates.

3. Child Psychology Classics: The Mirror Test. Discusses the classic mirror test which helps researchers understand when babies start to develop a sense of self.

4. Difficult Temperament ≠ A Child Destined for Problems: Good Parenting is Key. Discusses a study of babies' temperament and later academic success. Those with difficult temperaments are more sensitive to optimal and less-than-optimal-parenting.

5. Child Psychology Classics: Attachment Theory. The basic theory of attachment from a child development perspective, in contrast to "attachment parenting."

6. Yes, the Little Things Matter: Parents' Role in Helping Kids Become Socially Competent. Describes how parents' actions such as guidance and scaffolding help children develop social competence.

7. Language Skills Help Boys Develop Self-Regulation. Considers how the early development of language skills help boys regulate their behavior.

8. The Moral Mind of Toddlers. Discusses how researchers now believe that children develop the ability to understand the intentions of others at a younger age than previously thought.

9. Babies Development: Newborn Reflexes. Reviews the fascinating topic of newborns' unique reflexes.

10. Infant Sleep and Parental Responsiveness. Describes an interesting study that examines the role of parental responsiveness in helping infants and toddlers go to sleep peacefully.

I'm looking forward to learning and sharing more great parenting research in 2011. Thanks for reading!

Guest Post: Notes on Parenting

2010-12-20T08:20:00.006-06:00

Today I'm guest posting on a great blog I just found call Notes on Parenting. The authors are a wonderful mix of grad students and professionals child development, family studies, psychology, child health, and education. My post this week focuses divorce and child well-being. I hope you enjoy this great blog.

Developmentally Appropriate Gifts for Kids

2010-12-14T10:09:00.010-06:00

I'm sure many of you parents out there have had several weeks (if not months) of your children making lists of what gifts they want for the holidays. With so many toys, games, and electronics on the market, kids are often barraged by messages of the latest, greatest toy that they must have. Of course, parents want to get gifts their children will enjoy, but it's also important to consider whether the toy is developmentally appropriate for their age. Many toys are labeled with an age range, which is helpful, but I know I still need more guidance when considering what to buy. Just because something is age-appropriate doesn't mean it is ideal or offers any educational or developmental benefits. Here are a list of several resources I found helpful when considering toys:

Education.com Gift Guide 2010

LSU Extension Service: Developmentally Appropriate Toys

Tumblon Toy Suggestions and Reviews for ages newborn to 6+

National Association for the Education of Young Children (NAEYC): Good Toys for Young Children

Dr. Toy: Gift Guides

Have you noticed that kids' toys are often based on movie or cartoon characters? I know kids love cartoons, but I really want my son to have toys (at least some) that aren't character-related. The Center on Media and Child Health has some really helpful resources to address this issue, as well ideas for how to bring up this topic with toy-buying family members. They also have great ideas for meaningful handmade gifts.

Center on Media and Child Health: Gift Guides (both media-related and non-media)

I wish everyone a wonderful holiday season! Thanks for reading The Thoughtful Parent this year.

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Learning in an iPhone World

2010-12-09T10:35:00.011-06:00

As the prevalence of smart phones has grown in recent years, I have been waiting to see when development researchers would conduct a study to examine the impact of smart phone mobile applications (apps) on children's learning. I own an iPhone, and yes, I admit I do use it to entertain my toddler when nothing else seems to keep his attention. It does seem to keep him entertained and happy while we have to wait in the check out lane or the doctor's office. It was also a lifesaver on a recent 2-hour plane ride.

I have often wondered, however, what the impact might be of him playing with the iPhone apps. Sure, they have the guise of being educational--most of the apps are either storybooks or ABC games, but is he really learning anything from them? Finally, several new studies have been released that examine the impact of apps on children's learning. These are some of the first studies I know of that specifically examine apps and their impact on young children.

A series of three studies were conducted by the Joan Ganz Cooney Center

at Sesame Workshop and PBS KIDS Raising Readers. One study, the Usability Study, considered how well kids (age 4-7) are able to use smart phone apps. The second study, The Parent Survey, examined parents' perception and practices regarding app use with their young children. The third study, The Learning Study, examined the potential of apps for enhancing children's learning. This third study specifically addressed the educational value of two children's apps developed by PBS Kids (this part of the study was conducted by an outside research group). Here are some of the highlights from theses studies:

- Children's use of iPhones is still relatively limited

- between one-third and one-half of parents do not allow their children to use their iPhone

- Parents most frequently allow their kids to use their iPhone while traveling (primarily by car)

- Most children age 3-7 (40-60%) were able to use the iPhone without much assistance from adults

Now on to the most interesting part--the impact of apps on learning. Two PBS apps were studied: Martha Speaks and Super Why.

- Gains in vocabulary between 10 and 27% were seen in children who used the Martha Speaks app. The largest gains in vocabulary were seen in older children (5-7 years).

- Gains in literacy were seen also among children who used the Super Why, with the exception of 7 years olds (who had probably already mastered many of the skills in the app). The gains were more modest than those of Martha Speaks (8-9%), except among 3 years olds, who experienced a 17% literacy increase.

These studies suggest that young children, even as young as 3, may benefit from educational iPhone apps. It is very important to note, however, that these studies are some of the first to study these issues. Additionally, the Learning Study included only 90 children, which is a small sample size to draw firm conclusions. It does seem encouraging, however, that these apps may actually have educational benefits. As more children begin using apps it will be interesting to see what future research will show.

The Moral Mind of Toddlers

2010-11-30T09:44:00.008-06:00

We, as parents, all want to encourage the moral development of our children. From a young age, we teach our children to help other people, share their toys, etc. Of course, for very young children, this is often a challenge because they simply lack the cognitive development to be able to understand events from another person's perspective or understand another's feelings. New research, however, is showing that toddlers as young as 3 years old are quite developed and discriminating in their understanding of others' intentions and their desire to help (or not help) other people.

A recent study in Germany considered toddlers understanding of others' intentions and their subsequent helpful actions towards them. Here's what they did:

- children watched several scenarios where adult actors played several roles:

- helpfulness (taping together a drawing torn by someone else)

- harmfulness (purposely tearing another person's drawing)

- intention to harm (trying to tear another's drawing but not succeeding)

- accidental harmfulness (accidentally tearing another person's drawing)

The children then interacted with the adults in playing a game. The children's helpfulness toward the adults was gauged by whether or not they gave the adult a missing game piece.

As you might expect, children were helpful to those adults who showed helpfulness in the prior scenario and were not helpful to those adults who were harmful (tearing the drawing). More interestingly, however, was the fact that children were also helpful to those adults who were only accidentally harmful. The children also showed less helpfulness to those adults who had the intention to be harmful in the previous scenario (trying but not succeeding to tear the drawing).

This clearly implies that children as young as 3 can not only differentiate between helpful and harmful actions, but can also distinguish others' intentions. This may not seem like a big milestone on the surface, but when you think about it, understanding someone else's intentions is a very important skill as a human being. Social interaction is one of the main ways we as humans advance our civilization. Working and cooperating with others is not only a good moral skill, it is crucial to our survival at the most basic level. We don't often think of this in our high-tech society but working with other people is a basic part of our existence. One key aspect of working with other people is understanding their intentions towards us and others. Humans social interaction can be very complex and subtle. It is amazing that children as young as 3 can understand this complex world and be very savvy about who has good and bad intentions.

On a side note, this is probably also important for we parents to understand as well. Our toddlers are very adept at understanding our actions as well. If they think we have good intentions toward them (which hopefully all parents do!), they will be more likely to comply with our requests too.

Photo credit

Vaish A, Carpenter M, & Tomasello M (2010). Young children selectively avoid helping people with harmful intentions. Child development, 81 (6), 1661-9 PMID: 21077854

Raising a Thankful Child

2010-11-23T09:16:00.004-06:00

With Thanksgiving coming up this week, I thought I'd do a quick post with some ideas for helping kids learn thankfulness. This concept is sort of a hard idea for little ones to grasp, but it's one that I'm sure all of us want to foster in our children. Here are a few ideas and thoughts I found to be useful:

From the organization Zero to Three:

- Look for ways to be involved in community giving with your toddler. Between ages 2 and 3, you can begin to talk with your toddler about how he can help others who don’t have as much as he does. Look for opportunities with a clear connection between your child’s efforts and the recipients.

- Show thankfulness to your children. It’s easy to forget, but important to do. Thank you for cooperating at the doctor’s office. Thank you for getting your jacket when I asked. Thank you for coming right away when I said it was time to leave the park; I know it was hard for you to get off the swing. Thank you for your hug—it made me feel so happy!

- Read books about what it means to be thankful. Books help children make sense of new ideas. Keep in mind that your child’s understanding of a book at 14 months will be different than what she gets out of it at 35 months—another good reason to share these stories over time. As she grows, talk with her about the stories and pictures and explore what it means to be “thankful.” Some age-appropriate choices for children aged 12 to 36-month-old include:

Biscuit Is Thankful by Alyssa Satin Capucilli and Pat Schories
Little Critter: Just So Thankful by Mercer Mayer
Feeling Thankful by Shelly Rotner
Thanksgiving Is for Giving Thanks by Margaret Sutherland

From ParentDish:

- Wanting vs. Needing: Oh, this is a good one. How many times have you said "I need" when talking about some totally extraneous item you wanted? Explain to kids that they don't really "need" a new gaming system. A need is something much more basic, like food, shelter and warm clothing. It's OK to want stuff, but make them aware that their needs are actually taken care of, and that is something to be thankful for.

From Child Perspective:

- Express your thanks out loud. Don’t be quietly thankful. Your children need to know you are thankful for them, for your home, for friends, mentors, and for the other good things in your life. Celebrate your thankfulness often and initiate conversations.

Here are a couple of arts and crafts activities that actually encourage kids to think about the first Thanksgiving and gratefulness:

- Thanksgiving Story Beads

- A Thanksgiving Tree

I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving!

Prematurity Awareness Day

2010-11-16T21:07:00.003-06:00

Today is Prematurity Awareness Day. Families, bloggers, researchers, and doctors all over the country are uniting to raise awareness about the serious issue of prematurity. This issue hold personal relevance for me since I myself was born premature. Fortunately, I was only 6 weeks early and faced no long-term health consequences.

Many babies are not this fortunate, however. Today more than 1,400 (1 in 8) babies will be born prematurely in the U. S. Some of these babies will go on to develop normally, but many will face years of ongoing health problems or developmental delays. In fact, half of all neurological disabilities in children are due to prematurity. Since child development is the focus of this blog, I felt it especially important to give this topic some attention.

It was a surprise to me to learn that prematurity rates increased over 20% from 1990 to 2006. I think many of us think prematurity is something that we've overcome in this age of advanced medical technologies. Organizations like the March of Dimes to great work in funding research to try to uncover the causes of prematurity so that it can be prevented in the future. Unfortunately, it is not yet completely clear why babies are born too early. This is why more research is needed to help understand prematurity more fully.

If you know of a family with a premature baby, think of them today and support them in any way you can. I encourage you to read the information at the March of Dimes and consider supporting their campaigns if you can.

Language Skills Help Boys Develop Self-Regulation

2010-11-02T09:43:00.011-05:00

Many a parent of a toddler has encouraged their child to "use your words" in dealing with a problem or request, instead of crying, acting out, or whining. It turns out that teaching toddlers to "use their words" is especially useful in helping boys develop self-regulation. A recent study published in Early Childhood Research Quarterly found that language skills are more important in the development of self-regulation skills in young boys than young girls.

The study looked at children as they developed from age 1 to 3. As previous research has shown, this study replicated the finding that language skills, particularly vocabulary, helps kids regulate their emotions and behavior. Research has often found that girls are typically more advanced in their language skills, and thus self-regulation skills, at this young age. What was different about this study, however, is that it showed that toddler boys with strong language skills can be as skilled in self-regulation as girls at this age.

What's so important about self-regulation? Well, besides the obvious encounters in daily life (e.g., not running out in the street), self-regulation has been highlighted as one of the key aspects to success in school, career, and life. Ellen Galinsky in her book Mind in the Making, lists focus and self-control as one of the 7 essential skills kids need to learn in order to be successful. She states the following about these crucial skills,

"Focus and self control involve many executive functions of the brain, such as paying attention, remembering the rules, and inhibiting one’s initial response to achieve a larger goal. Scientists call these executive functions because these are the brain functions we use to manage our attention, our emotions, and our behavior in pursuit of our goals. Many scientists now believe that executive functions predict children’s success as well as—if not better than—IQ tests."

So it seems the early development of self-regulation skills can only help our children as they move through life.

Being mom to a 16-month-old boy, made reading this article particularly relevant to me. Even at this young age, I am already beginning to see how language is helping him with self-regulation. He is starting to learn that certain items are off-limits (e.g., trash can, toilet bowl) and when he gets close to them he says "no, no." This "self-talk" is the early stages of this development of self-regulation. He has heard his dad and I say "no" to these items enough that he has begun to internalize it. Of course, at this age, he is not always successful in staying away from these items, but at least he's learning :) Hopefully, as he learns more and more vocabulary he will be able to say what he needs or wants, as well as continue this internal dialog to help control his actions. I think it is helpful to know that boys really are able to learn language skills to help self-regulation at the same level as girls. Although girls usually have a natural tendency to pick up language earlier, it is important to encourage language skills as much as possible with boys too.

Photo credit

Claire Vallotton, & Catherine Ayoub (2010). Use your words: The role of language in the development of toddlers' self-regulation. Early Childhood Research Quarterly

Children's Media Use: Good Distraction or Lazy Parenting?

2010-10-26T09:56:00.007-05:00

I recently came across a study from a few years ago conducted by the Kaiser Family Foundation that looked at the role of children's media use in the overall family routine. Most of the results were not all that surprising. Many children grow up in a media-laden household--including TVs on most of the time, some have TV in their bedroom, and computer use is fairly prevalent. Just a few statistics from the study:

- 83% of children under age 6 use screen media (TV or computer)

- One in three children (age 6 and under) have a TV in their bedroom (19% of children 1 year and under; 29% of 2-3 year olds; 43% of 4-6 year olds)

- The most common reasons given by parents for putting a TV in their child's room:

- to free up other TVs

- to entertain child while parents work around house

- to reward good behavior

- to reduce tantrums/arguments

- help child fall asleep

In other word, one of the main results of the study is that parents use media to cope with their children's behavior and daily routines. After reading this, I have to say it made me think about my own life and our culture in general. I'm not going to criticize parents' use of media for their children (although I do think a TV in the bedroom of a 4 year old is a bit much), because now that I have a toddler I do understand the draw of TV and other media. I admit it, I do occasionally let my toddler "watch" TV to distract or occupy him for a bit. I say "watch" because he doesn't really watch for long and then he's off to play with something else or find me.

What this article made me really consider is what did parents do before the invention of TV? Often when I have a parenting question or dilemma, I try to think about what parents might have done centuries (or more) before us. Back in the days of horse and buggy (yes, I'm picturing Laura Ingalls) what did parents do when they had to work around the farm, cook dinner or wash clothes? Is our modern culture just too busy and complicated that we, as parents, can't find better things for our kids to do than watch TV? I'm asking this question of myself too. Did the parents of past centuries just include their kids in their daily tasks more and the kids learned to do chores sooner? Do we have expectations that are too low for our kids? Maybe we should just expect kids to start helping around the house sooner so that they are contributing members of the household and don't have to be "entertained" while the parents do all the work.

I think one issue here is that we don't have very good models for how to interact with our kids when we have to get work done. Putting them in front of a TV seems like an easy, obvious solution. I haven't seen many parents successfully able to engage a toddler in a household task but I think it can be done. The few families I know that have virtually no TV in their home, do seem to involve their children more in household tasks and eventually they learn to do it and maybe actually enjoy it. Personally, I think I'm going to make this a goal for my family. I know it will be challenging, but at least I'm going to try. Technology and media are becoming an increasingly large part of our lives, but they don't have to be a constant presence.

I welcome your suggestions and ideas!

Photo credit

Are Picture Books Just for Babies?

2010-10-19T09:30:00.006-05:00

I was surprised to read a recent article in the New York Times that stated that there has been a decline in sales of children's picture books lately. Why, you might ask? Maybe it's the economic downturn. Yes, it seems that has been a contributing factor. However, other genres of youth books have continued to grow, especially teen fiction (especially vampire-themed novels). It seems that the decline in picture book sales may be due, in part, to parents' insistence that their young children move on to chapter books with more text as soon as possible. Some are encouraging kids as young as 4 years old to put away their picture books and start reading chapter books. One bookstore children's department manager was quoted as saying,

“I see children pick up picture books, and then the parents say, ‘You can do better than this, you can do more than this.’ It’s a terrible pressure parents are feeling — that somehow, I shouldn’t let my child have this picture book because she won’t get into Harvard.”

Seriously! Is this what parenting in this country has come to? I know this is probably an extreme case, but does getting the "competitive edge" for your child mean so much that parents are snatching picture books out of the hands of their kids as soon as they're out of diapers. The ironic part is that these parents may not actually be helping their kids much by pushing them to chapter books too soon. As any librarian will tell you, picture books encourage visual literacy and many excellent thinking skills that chapter books cannot match. Consider these skills promoted by picture books (as compiled by librarian Lisa Von Drasek):

Picture books give children practice in visual literacy. Children learn critical thinking skills as they study the book's art, looking for contradicting evidence of the verbal story.

The text of picture books is often written at a higher reading level. Children need to hear this higher vocabulary to acquire language before they can read it.

On the other hand, while series chapter books are great for reading practice, their vocabulary and sentence structure are simplistic and their plots formulaic.

Picture books for older children give a window into history, cultures and communities other than our own with sophisticated artistic representation.

Rhythm, rhyme, and repetition of early picture books support the learning of reading skills like phonemic awareness, phonics, comprehension and fluency.

Simply put, picture books are not just frivolous fun for babies. They really help kids develop a love of books and stories. I find it funny how many of the things we in modern Western culture (especially the U.S.) consider to be just silly, useless pastimes of childhood like unstructured play, picture books, or clapping songs really do have strong developmental benefits. I guess there is a reason these traditions have stuck around for centuries. Even in our advanced technological era with so much pressure on our kids to be "academically prepared" and "competitive," sometimes the simple activities are still the best.

If you're looking for some great picture books for your children (especially with the holidays just around the corner), here are several lists of some wonderful picks:

- Bank Street College list of picture books for kids 1st-4th grade

- Caldecott Medal Winners (books award given for excellent picture books) for the past few years

Photo credit

Cultural Variations in the Classic "Mirror Test"

2010-10-05T09:59:00.006-05:00

Awhile back I wrote a post about the classic "mirror test" in psychological research. This test is meant to help researchers understand when a young child begins to have a sense of self. The way the test typical goes is that a researcher places a red dot on the child's nose and then places then in front of a mirror. Very young children (under about 18 months) usually think the baby in mirror is another child so they attempt to touch the mirror. As children develop, they eventually begin to understand that the child in the mirror is themselves and they will touch their own nose to try to feel the red dot. Or so that's what Western researchers thought.

As is the case with much research, most psychological experiments such as this are conducted in Western countries, primarily the US and Canada. Recently some psychologists have taken the mirror test to non-Western countries such as Kenya, Saint Lucia, Peru, and Grenada (description of full study). In testing children ages 36-55 months, (well beyond when past research has shown that children "pass" the test) about 75-85% of the Western children "passed" the test; meaning they went to touch their own face. Among non-Westerner children, however, much lower percentages of children "passed" the test (50% or less). Does this mean that non-Western children develop a sense of self at a later age? Are these children somehow developmentally delayed?

Of course, the answer is no. This seems to clearly be a case where research does not transfer well cross-culturally. The researchers who took the study to these non-Western countries explained "that they [the children] understood that it was themselves in the mirror, that the mark was unexpected, but that they were unsure of an acceptable response and therefore dared not touch or remove it."

I find this fascinating. My first thought was that maybe non-Western children have less experience with mirrors. The researchers contend that this may be part of the issue. However, they also speculate that important cultural differences are also at work here. They hypothesize that non-Western cultures may promote quiet compliance and less emphasis on asking questions of authority figures and thus the children may simply be hesitant to say anything about the mark on their face to the researcher. In the West, by contrast, children are encouraged to be independent and ask questions in order to learn so they are more likely to point out the mark to the researcher. Pretty amazing, right? Children this young have already picked up on these silent norms of society. Of course, we don't know for sure that this is what's going on since more research is needed to test out these theories.

If these cultural differences are at work in this case, it is a wonderful example of how child development, at least some aspects, is really not culture-free. Children adopt the cultural norms and influences around them, even in very subtle ways. I think this also has interesting implications for immigrant children moving from non-Western into Western cultures. If a child moves to the U.S. from a non-Western culture, what a shock it must be for them to enter a school setting in which asking questions and being somewhat assertive is valued? Culture plays an important role in our development as humans, even when we are unaware of it.

Photo credit

Children's Media Use and Achievement

2010-09-28T10:01:00.011-05:00

With the increase in electronic media in recent years, many parents are wondering what the effects might be of media use on the children--especially on their academic achievement. Many new media (e.g., computer games, websites, etc.) claim to have educational benefits, but in many cases they do seem to displace old-fashioned educational activities like reading books or playing board games.

There is no scarcity of research on this topic, but a recent study in the journal Child Development caught my attention because it looked at different types of media (computer, video games) and its affect on both achievement and behavior in children. In this post, I'll focus primarily on the findings concerning achievement. Here are the main aspects of the study:

- studied 1,900 children age 6-12 years old for a five-year period (1997-2003)

- looked at computer usage in three main areas: communications (i.e., Internet, email), games, and studying

The findings were pretty complicated but here are some of the most interesting highlights:

- boys are more likely to use the computer for games; girls are more likely to use it for communication

- the results are complicated by gender and ethnicity

Computer Use

- for girls (both Caucasian and African American), increased overall computer use was associated with higher achievement in reading and problem solving over the five-year period studied (1997-2003)

- for boys the findings were different:

- for Caucasian boys, increased computer use was not associated with higher achievement; in fact, there was one negative association--higher levels of use of the computer for communications was associated with a decline in achievement in the areas of reading comprehension and applied problem solving

- for African American boys the findings were quite different. Higher use of computers among African American boys (particularly for communications and studying) was associated with an increase in achievement in reading comprehension

Video Games

- for boys there was no association between video game time and achievement

- among African American girls, there was one positive association--increased video game use was correlated with higher scores on applied problem solving

-however, video game use was associated with lower verbal achievement for all girls. The authors found that this was because it displaced reading time.

- it is important to note that benefits of video games were seen in moderate use; extensive use of video games was not associated with beneficial achievement outcomes (in other words, all things in moderation)

It isn't completely clear why there were differences by ethnicity. The authors suggest that the benefits of media use for African Americans may be due to the fact that there is still somewhat of a media divide among ethnicities. African American children may not have as much access to media so we see benefits for those who are able to use it regularly (but not excessively).

I took a couple of things away from this study. First, electronic media can be useful and have educational benefits if used in moderation. Almost all the findings suggested that excessive media use (computers or video games) were associated with lower academic achievement.

Secondly, this study points out to me that you really have to know your child and be aware of how they're performing in school when considering how much computer/video game time they are allowed. There were some benefits of media usage for both boys and girls, but it depended on how the media was being used and for how long.

I think this is a very important topic for research. Although researchers are continuing to study the effects of media use, we have really just scratched the surface of this topic, especially considering new forms of media and technology are emerging rapidly. No one really knows how all this new media is going to affect our children, but it seems clear that technology is not a magic bullet that will solve all our educational issues. It can be a useful educational tool for our children if used along with other types of learning.

Photo credit

Hofferth SL (2010). Home media and children's achievement and behavior. Child development, 81 (5), 1598-619 PMID: 20840243

The Hidden Effect of Early Childhood Education Programs

2010-09-15T08:55:00.006-05:00

I noticed a recent article on Wired Science entitled "How Preschool Changes the Brain." Of course, being interested in child development I was immediately intrigued. The article reviews several classic studies conducted over the past 30+ years investigating the long-terms effects of early childhood education programs (i.e., preschool) on children's academic and career outcomes. As you might have expected, children who attend preschool (especially those from economically disadvantaged backgrounds) were more likely to graduate from high school, get better grades, stay married, and less likely to get arrested.

Your first reaction to these findings might be to assume that preschool makes these children smarter. Maybe all the exposure to books, learning games, etc. really increase their intelligence. However, when you look closer at the findings, you see that the children's IQ scores remain relatively stable over time. Some kids' IQ may increase slightly in the years immediately following preschool but usually stabilizes near its original level later in life. It turns out that what preschool really does is teach the life skills that are often much more important than IQ in determining one's success in life--skills like self-control, persistence, and self-discipline. So, after reading that, I felt the title of the article should be something more like, "How Preschool Changes Behavior, not the Brain." Economists love these kinds of findings because it means tax-payers can get a lot of bang for their buck by investing in early childhood education programs, especially for disadvantaged children. In fact, the Wired article showed that, "for every dollar invested in preschool for at-risk children, society at large reaps somewhere between eight and nine dollars in return." Wow! I would much rather invest in preschool than prisons.

Reading this article reminded me of Ellen Galinsky's great book Mind in the Making in which she discusses the importance of teaching children crucial life skills like self-control. With all the emphasis on academic rigor and high-stakes testing, it's easy to forget that these life skills are equally, if not more important than book knowledge.

Of course all this emphasis on preschool doesn't mean we, as parents, cannot teach our kids these skills at home. There is nothing magical about preschool; it's just a scheduled, regulated environment that helps children learn these skills. Even if your child is in preschool, you would still have to reinforce these lessons at home. As far as the public sphere, however, preschool is a good investment in our nation's future.

Photo credit: D Sharon Pruitt

Review: The Total Transformation Program

2010-09-07T10:39:00.006-05:00

In recent months I’ve begun to get more offers to review products/books on this blog. At first I was hesitant to do this, but I have decided that I will review products occasionally as long as they relate directly to child development topics.

So, with that said, one of the first products I was asked to review was The Total Transformation Program developed by James Lehman, MSW. Lehman is a licensed social worker and has worked in private practice for many years focusing mostly on children with behavior problems. The Total Transformation Program is a set of several audio CDs for parents. The program also has a toll-free telephone advice line for parents using the program. I was sent a abridged version of the program to review since the complete program is too lengthy for a busy mom/blogger like myself.

Before I begin, I should mention that my background is in Human Development and Family Sciences, not Social Work. Social Work is a much more hands-on, deal-with-families-everyday kind of field than the research-oriented field I come from; hence, my review comes from a somewhat different perspective. I felt the program was most appropriate for late elementary-adolescent age children (Mr. Lehman refers to adolescents quite a bit). Based on the types of techniques and language he suggests parents use, I do not feel it would be appropriate for parents of younger children.

One of the things I appreciated about the CDs was their practical approach. Mr. Lehman has a very no-nonsense style that I found very refreshing and I think many parents would probably find it helpful. He focuses primarily on practical skills and techniques that parents can use to deal with children with behavior problems. When he refers to behavior problems, he is generally talking about disrespectful, abusive, or destructive behavior in children.

One of the main goals of the program is to help parents re-gain authority over their children. According to Mr. Lehman this is one of the first things that often goes by the wayside with children who are disrespectful and misbehaved. He offers parents some very specific strategies for ending negotiations and pleading with their adolescent children but just simply focusing on their compliance. Mr. Lehman emphasizes the need for parents to not accept any excuses from their children and to follow through on expectations. I really appreciated this approach and felt it was appropriate for adolescent children to have such limits and expectations.

Another aspect of the program I appreciated was Mr. Lehman’s goal of helping parents focus on their children’s behavior, not so much on their attitude. As he explains, many of us as adults have feelings/attitudes about our job, our chores, etc. that may not be all that positive, yet we know we have responsibilities to our employer or others so we continue on with our duties. I think this is a wonderful lesson to model for children. A big part of growing into adulthood is learning to manage your emotions and have enough self-control to do what is required of you, even if you do not feel like it at the moment. I was glad to hear that Mr. Lehman emphasized this point.

Self-esteem is another topic that The Total Transformation Program addresses. In popular culture, many people understand self-esteem to just mean that you feel good about yourself because someone (usually parents) tell you how great you are or what a wonderful job you’ve done on a task. I was happy to hear that Mr. Lehman goes beyond this superficial understand of self-esteem. He wisely explains that self-esteem develops when an individual takes on a challenging task and is able to complete it. If children avoid challenging tasks or are praised all the time, true self-esteem does not develop. Mr. Lehman goes on to explain further the role of self-esteem among children with behavior problems.

Overall I felt The Total Transformation Program would be helpful for many parents trying to develop more effective strategies for dealing with difficult children. Given my bias towards research, I wanted to understand more of the “why” behind the behavior problems. I kept asking myself “why do children get to the point of acting out this way in adolescence” or “how did these problems develop?” Although the program addresses some of these questions, I still felt like it did not get to the core of early parent-child interactions that may have set up this scenario. However, I realize that these issues are really outside the scope of the goal of these audio CDs. The goal is to give parents some hands-on techniques to help address their child’s behavior. If you have a child with severe, on-going behavioral problems you may need to seek out further help from a family therapist who can work with you personally. Otherwise, if you need some strategies to help you and your child get back “on track” The Total Transformation Program is worth checking out.

For articles and free advice from Mr. Lehman check out Empowering Parents.

* The Thoughtful Parent also acts as an affiliate marketing partner for Legacy Publishing Company.

50 Best Child Psychology Blogs

2010-08-20T10:00:00.007-05:00

I recently found out about a good resource for child psychology blogs: a list of 50 Best Child Psychology Blogs. At first I was a little uncertain about this list, but then I noticed it included several of my favorite blogs, like Child Psychology Research Blog, Child in Mind, and Because Babies Grow Up. Enjoy finding some new, informative blogs to read!

Infant Sleep and Parental Responsiveness

2010-08-16T09:32:00.007-05:00

Since becoming a parent, sleep has become a major issue in my life. Probably like many of you other parents out there, I was somewhat unprepared for months of interrupted sleep and how this would affect my overall well-being. Once my son was born, I began reading everything I could get my hands on about infant/childhood sleep in an effort to understand how to get my son to sleep better. This was not only a selfish endeavor, of course, as I knew he needed good sleep and it obviously made him feel better and be more engaging in learning and exploring. I was somewhat disappointed when I found that child development researchers seem to have overlooked the issue of sleep. I found many books/articles written my pediatricians that were helpful but I still felt there was a gap in the child development research concerning infant/toddler sleep, it's role in children's behavior, and the role of parents' behavior in helping children learn to sleep.

Then, just last week I came across this great study conducted by child development researchers (yeah!) on the topic of sleep and parental responsiveness. I was excited to see this study and the fact that it was conducted at Pennsylvania State University, one of the top programs in Human Development and Family Studies, gave me hope that it would be a well-thought out study. This particular study examined parents' emotional responsiveness to infants/toddlers at bedtime and its association to how easily the child went to sleep and how well the child stayed asleep.

Like me, many parents had always heard that a bedtime routine is key in helping an infant or toddler go to sleep easily and sleep peacefully. This study somewhat debunks this long-held thought. The researchers studied infants and young children (2 years and under) and their parents using direct observation via video cameras in their bedrooms. The results showed that parents' emotional responsiveness to children's moods and needs prior to bedtime were a better predictor of children's sleep than any sort of bedtime routine (i.e., reading books, quiet activities, etc.). So what does emotional responsiveness really mean? Well, it's probably many of the things parents commonly do with their child--speaking softly if the child seems upset, changing activities if the child seems uninterested with the current one. The researchers point out that being emotionally available to the child at bedtime helps them feel safe and this, in turn, makes it easier for them to go to sleep without a struggle.

Personally, I don't think this means that you should throw out your bedtime routine, but it did make me think about the importance of flexibility. I think bedtime routines can be useful and also make children feel safe, however, children are different from day to day. Some nights reading a book and rocking in a chair may work great, but other nights a child may not be into reading a book. The key, it seems from this research, is to be attentive to the child's emotional needs at that particular moment. If the child doesn't seem interested in a book, the best option may be to move on to something else and not worry too much about the routine. This research seems to indicate that if you get to caught up in keeping the routine exactly the same (even if the child is resistant) it may end up making it more difficult for them to fall asleep.

Hopefully more great research on sleep is coming down from the ivory tower soon!

Teti, D., Kim, B., Mayer, G., & Countermine, M. (2010). Maternal emotional availability at bedtime predicts infant sleep quality. Journal of Family Psychology, 24 (3), 307-315 DOI: 10.1037/a0019306

"Whoa Mama!" with Ms. Mary Mack

2010-08-11T20:43:00.004-05:00

Okay, warning: I am going to do some blatant self-promotion here. I recently had the pleasure of being profiled on a great blog called Ms. Mary Mack in her series, "Whoa Mama!" Wednesdays. Each week she features a new mom from the blogosphere who discusses her experiences, ups and downs of new motherhood. I hope you check out my profile, but you should really check out all of Ms. Mary Mack. She discusses all things motherhood in a witty, engaging writing style.

Is There Such a Thing as a "Bad Seed?"

2010-07-19T08:30:00.012-05:00

Dr. Richard Friedman, a professor of psychiatry, recently wrote an article published in the New York Times that I found to be both thought-provoking and somewhat disturbing. In the article he discussed the idea that sometimes even the most well-meaning and caring parents produce children that are what he calls "toxic." These children/teenagers are rude, misbehaved, and sometimes downright mean. The paradox, he says, is that these same parents often have other children that are perfectly well-mannered, kind, and well-adjusted. So, what's the problem, he asks? Dr. Friedman contends that in most cases it is not the parents' fault, but that these children are this way,

"because everyday character traits, like all human behavior, have hard-wired and genetic components that cannot be molded entirely by the best environment."

My reading of this is that he feels some children are in fact, "bad seeds."

Although I agree that all of children's behavior cannot be attributed to parenting techniques, I was shocked to hear a mental health professional basically make the argument that some children are just inherently bad. I strongly disagree with this idea and I think much of the child development research does too. Yes, children have genetic predispositions towards a lot of characteristics, both physical and psychological. However, this is just a predisposition, not fate. Much of what determines how a predisposition is expressed depends on how parents, teachers, and others in the environment react to the child. I am frustrated to find that many in the media, and even in the psychological community still prescribe to an "either-or" mentality when it comes to issues like this. The scientific community has made strides in finding genes that contribute to certain traits but much of the latest developmental research shows that many behaviors are the result of an on-going interaction between genetics and the environment. Gone (are almost gone) are the days of "nature vs. nurture." We should now start thinking about "nature and nurture." I firmly believe that in most cases, it is usually not simply an issue of "bad parents" or a "bad seed." Some of the most well-thought out and respected theories in child development focus on the interaction between the child, the parents, and other environmental factors (e.g., siblings, teachers, school, neighborhood). This kind of thinking, however, is much more complicated and difficult. With this type of research, you don't often find the easy sound-bite that the media loves to promote. I feel that this type of approach is closer to "the truth" that' science strives to find.

In short, I would encourage all of us to think outside the box of simply "bad parents" or "bad children" when we encounter a youngster (or adult) who is maladjusted. In science and in life, it is rarely that simple.

Thanks to Dr. Claudia Gold at Child in Mind for her thoughtful post on this topic which prompted my comments here.

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"The Mozart Effect": When Good Research and Bad Journalism Combine

2010-07-02T09:41:00.006-05:00

National Public Radio recently featured a great story about the truth behind the so-called "Mozart Effect." Like many other parents, I had heard that playing classical music (particularly Mozart) for your child was supposed to be associated with higher intelligence, better spatial skills, etc. It must be true since it's a scientific study reported in the news, right? Well, it turns out the Mozart Effect is just a great example of how the news media can take a perfectly good research study and distort it into something it is not.

In the interview with the actual researcher who conducted the study in 1993, it turns out that yes, he did find that listening to Mozart music was associated with better spatial ability. What's the catch? First, the effect lasted 10-15 minutes. That's right, listening to Mozart was associated with better spatial abilities for about 10 minutes afterward. So, unless you plan to have your child listen to Mozart right before an IQ test, it's probably not going to make a huge difference.

Secondly, the study was conducted among college students. Like many psychological studies conducted in academic settings, the sample of convenience is college students. Reporters and the public assumed that this finding was applicable to young children as well, but who knows. Young children were not the age group studied.

So how does a modest research finding get distorted into a media frenzy and fuel the marketing of hundreds of baby Mozart CDs? The original researcher was honest about reporting the findings in an academic journal. He did not exaggerate the results. It was simply a matter of the media taking a modest finding and running with it. Apparently, the study's author was misquoted several times and before you know it, "The Mozart Effect" was born.

Besides being an interesting case itself, this situation is a perfect example of how research often gets misinterpreted in the media. We, as humans, and especially the media, love sound bites. We love it when stories are easy, clear cut, black-and-white. We love it when something as simple as music seems to be the parenting remedy that will ensure that are children are intelligent. Unfortunately, child development research is rarely clear cut or black-and-white. There are usually shades of grey and nuances to the findings that make them complicated and sometimes difficult to understand. After all, we are studying human behavior and we humans (especially children) are notoriously difficult to study, even using the best scientific methods we have. Some reporters simply don't take the time or don't have the skill to understand these complexities. All this is to say, you might want to be cautious next time you read about a research finding in the news. If something seems to good to be true, it probably is.

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Latest Day Care Study Finds Long-Term Effects

2010-06-07T20:53:00.007-05:00

There has been much coverage in the media lately about the latest findings from the longitudinal study of day care conducted by Early Child Care Research Network. I was somewhat familiar with this study since some professors at my alma mater were involved in the study over the years. It's one of the first studies of it's kind to examine the long-term effects of day care on children's development and socialization in a large, nationally representative sample. That means that about 1,600 kids from all ethnic and economic backgrounds were studied from the time they were born in 1991.

The main take-home finding of this latest follow-up study is that kids who were in day care for longer hours as preschoolers are more likely to show impulsive and risk-taking behavior as 15-year-olds. Now, the findings are not huge, even the researchers will tell you that. But when you are dealing with human behavior (especially over the course of 15 years), research findings are rarely huge in their magnitude. However, it is important to remember that the fact that any correlation is seen between day care experience in early childhood and behavior as a teenager is pretty impressive. Think of all the factors that a child experiences in their first 15 years of life--parents, siblings, childcare, teachers, classmates, etc. Additionally, these findings were seen in a ethnically and economically diverse sample. That means that the effects of day care are seen despite variations in family income, education, etc.

The other primary finding of the study is that quality matters. The quality of the day care greatly influences what type of long-term effects are seen among children. The study showed that children who went to a moderate to high-quality day care as toddlers had high levels of academic achievement and fewer behavior problems compared to those in low-quality day care. So, what's the concern? The study found that only a small percentage of children are in high-quality care. Here's the breakdown of the 1,600 children in the study:

- 17% in high-quality care

- 24% in moderately high-quality care

- 24% in moderately low-quality care

- 35% in low-quality care

That means that approximately 60% of the children in the study (and presumable the country if you extrapolate) are in less-than-optimal care each day. This in itself is a bit concerning, but it may be more problematic in the future when these youngsters reach adolescence and peers become a greater influence. Some researchers worry about a "contagion effect." That is when a few children who have more risk-taking tendencies begin to influence their peers. Psychologist Jay Belsky described in this way, in a recent LA Times article,

In classrooms and peer groups populated by kids who may be just a little more impulsive or risk-taking, "these small effects end up being spread and bounce off each other," said Belsky in an interview. "The dynamic becomes, 'I dare you to take a risk, you dare me to take a risk.'

"Nobody knows what the threshold here is, when the little becomes a lot," he added.

I think the results of this study are definitely food for thought in considering what value we, as a society, place on the care of our children. Many families rely on day care facilities in order to work outside the home to financially support their families. This is a very important service, yet many day care workers are poorly paid and ill-prepared for their job. If we as a society expect our children to develop into competent adolescents, we need to ensure that they receive the best care possible. Hopefully this study will make policymakers (and parents) more aware of the importance of high-quality day care.

Wondering what high-quality day care looks like? Here are a few great resources:

Mind in the Making article

Childcare Aware

Educational (and Fun) Summer Activities

2010-05-18T09:04:00.004-05:00

Summertime is fast approaching so in preparation, parent educator Maggie Macaulay from Whole Hearted Parenting is doing a blog series ideas on fun summer activities for kids. I wrote a guest post there recently focusing educational and fun activities for summer. Check it out here!

The Thoughtful Parent on the MOM Podcast

2010-05-16T21:14:00.005-05:00

About a year ago I discovered the great podcast called Babies and Moms: Birth and Beyond. It was a great resource to me when I was pregnant and I continue to listen to hear great topics about babies, child development, and motherhood. Now, the wonderful ladies you developed this podcast have created another serious called the MOM (Moms on a Mission) Podcast. I was fortunate enough to be a guest on the show recently to discuss Attachment Theory. I invite you to listen to this and all the great MOM podcasts. They cover many topics relevant to mothers and families including things like managing your child's media use, marital happiness, losing weight, and sibling squabbles.

Children and Media Use (with Guest Maggie Macaulay)

2010-05-11T08:44:00.007-05:00

I've recently been chatting with a great parent educator, Maggie Macaulay, and we realized we had a lot of the same interests in child development and parenting issues. She is the creator of Whole Hearted Parenting, which provides parents with a wealth of resources and training opportunities to help connect more effectively with their children. She graciously offered to write a guest post for my blog. Here's her ideas on helping manage children's use of media and electronics in this high-tech era. Enjoy!

Electronics: It’s a Revolution!

In the Fall of 2003, the Kaiser Family Foundation released "Zero to Six: Electronic Media in the Lives of Infants, Toddlers and Preschoolers", reporting on the “explosion in electronic media marketed directly at the very youngest children in our society.” Including videotapes, DVDs, television shows, and electronic games, the products produced by this booming, multi-million dollar industry are targeted at children as young as nine months. Documenting the access that children had to media, the report’s results were staggering and are staggering five years later.

Today’s children are growing up surrounded by media. The report found that 99% of children ages six months to six years have access to television, 50% have three or more televisions and 36% have a television in their bedroom. Although the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that children under two watch NO television, the study found that 74% of all children under two watch television daily. The report also stated that children between four and six who are “heavy TV users” spend significantly less time reading and less time playing outside.” In fact, in “heavy TV households,” children are less likely to be able to read at all.

The Center for Screen Time Awareness reports that studies indicate “a child's risk of being overweight increased by six percent for every hour of television watched per day. If that child had a TV in his or her bedroom, the odds jumped an additional thirty-one percent.” Screen Time also sites studies indicating “that for every hour of television children watch each day, their risk of developing attention-related problems later increases by ten percent.”

With attention-related issues, obesity, reading difficulties and more now linked with the use of electronics, therapists and parenting experts are advocating that families unplug and revive unstructured social play.

Debbie Milam – founder of the Best You Can Be Foundation, a charitable organization devoted to helping children, parents and teachers reach their highest potential – observed, “Watch any play date and you will see children sitting side by side watching TV while not paying any attention to the child who is in the room with them. Many children would opt to play with virtual friends that they do not even know before engaging in imaginative play.” This observation was the motivation behind Milam’s “Unplug and Reconnect” a national initiative that encourages families to unplug from all screens and reconnect with family and friends each day for an hour.

Child advocacy expert Richard Louv, author of Last Child in the Woods: Saving Our Children from Nature-Deficit Disorder, views a disconnection with the natural world as a contributing factor in creating the exact issues associated with electronics use. He sites a 2002 British study that reported that eight-year-olds could identify Pokémon characters far more easily than they could name "otter, beetle, and oak tree." His solution is to re-establish the lost connection with nature.

In this electronics-centric world, what steps are parents to take? Here are the recommendations from Whole Hearted Parenting:

• Place electronics only in common areas of the home, not in a child’s bedroom.

• Monitor electronic game use and content.

• Set a clear structure around use of electronics that includes homework and household responsibilities first being completed before plugging in. Include limits on the length of time children are permitted to have “screen time”.

• Do not permit use of electronics before breakfast or right before bedtime.

• Unplug! Turn off the television, computer and game devices.

If you are drawing a blank on what comes next or how to handle a bored child, here is a great resource. Awarded the Good Parenting Seal by Parental Wisdom, Unplugged Play: No Batteries, No Plugs, Pure Fun, is a parent’s guide to over 700 ways to inspire valuable, creative play.

• Establish a family game night to play board and card games together

• Create and tell stories as a family.

• Encourage kids to move more. Screen time is sedentary time. The best exercise for the brain is exercise according to Dr. Becky Bailey.

• Permit unstructured outdoor play.

• Reconnect with nature – plant a garden, walk in the woods, talk about trees and insects and watch the sky!

Let’s all unplug so our children will reconnect with the life that is both around them and in them!

Maggie Macaulay, MS Ed, is the owner of Whole Hearted Parenting , a parent educator, speaker and coach, Director of Redirecting Children’s Behavior™ South Florida and the 2008 ABWA Parent Educator of the Year. Maggie is a featured parenting expert on NBC 6. She can be reached at (954) 483-8021 or maggie_macaulay@msn.com.

Just for Fun: Hand-Clapping and Cognitive Development

2010-05-07T08:56:00.004-05:00

Sometimes a research study comes along that just makes you wonder, "How did that researcher think to study that?" I recently came across a study that examined the relationship between hand-clapping songs and children's cognitive development in the early elementary grades. At first I thought it seemed like a silly topic for a study, but as I read more, it actually had some pretty interesting findings. It turns out that the children in the study (1st, 2nd, and 3rd graders) who were exposed to hand-clapping songs had better cognitive abilities than children who were not exposed to such songs. This was especially interesting considering that the children exposed to hand-clapping had better cognitive skills compared to even the children in the music-only (no hand clapping) program. We've all heard of the benefits of exposing children to music at an early age, but apparently hand-clapping with the music adds something extra in terms of cognitive skills. Who knew patty-cake had such potential?

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Babies: The Movie

2010-05-03T13:07:00.004-05:00

I've been hearing hype about the new movie Babies for several months now, but I just realized it's opening this weekend (just in time for Mother's Day). If you haven't heard, it's a documentary that follows the first year of life of 4 babies in 4 different places on the planet: Namibia, Japan, Mongolia, and USA. I've only seen the trailer, but it looks fascinating. I look forward to seeing how each of the different cultures raise their children and what we can learn from these other cultures. I'm sure there will be a lot of great images from the movie, but just to give you a taste, here's one clip that I just loved.

If you go see the film this weekend, I'd love to hear your reactions. I hope to see it soon and write a review myself.

Guest Blogger: Pediatrician Claudia Gold

2010-04-29T09:06:00.007-05:00

I recently came across a great new blog by pediatrician Dr. Claudia Gold. She is a pediatrician in private practice and has started the blog called "Child in Mind." The goal of the blog is to help parents, teachers, and others better understand the interplay of factors that may influence a child's behavior (including child development, neuroscience, and behavioral genetics). By better understanding these factors and learning to see the world through the child's eyes, parents have a better chance of understanding a child's behavior and helping the child to learn to manage his/her own emotions. Dr. Gold recently posted a very interesting article discussing a study that examines the interplay of family dynamics and genetics in the development of ADHD. I found this article very thought-provoking and she kindly gave me permission to re-post it here. I think you'll appreciate how she uses examples from her own practice to illustrate the points of the study.

Study Implicates Genetics and Family Dynamics in ADHD

by Claudia Gold

Trying to understand and then explain the complex interaction between environmental influences and gene expression is a challenging task. An important study published in the April issue of Behavioral and Brain Functions inspired me to give it a try. I start with the actual quote from the study and then attempt to explain it in my own words.

To date, studies have mostly focused on the effects of genetic and environmental influences on ADHD separately. Our work examines the interaction between a specific gene variant and a family environmental risk factor in order to determine their roles in the development of ADHD via behavioral and emotional dysregulation in children.

When ADHD is conceptualized as emanating from the development of emotional and behavioral regulation, specific genetic and family environmental factors are likely to jointly influence ADHD outcomes in particular ways. The present report capitalized on the potential to investigate an important genetic marker for liability to emotional and behavioral dysregulation (5HTTLPR), along with a particularly salient marker of environmental risk -children’s appraisals of blame in relation to inter-parental conflict.

What this study shows is that a person might have a gene for a serotonin metabolism, known as 5HHTLPR, that puts them at risk for ADHD. But if that person lives in a home filled with conflict, they are more likely to actually have ADHD. Put in a more positive way, just because you have the gene, it doesn't mean you will have the disorder. This study raises the question of whether addressing the environmental risk may protect a person from the genetic risk.

It brought to mind a story of a little boy named Adam who I took care of, a story that haunts me to this day. His mother and father came to see me when he was four years old. He had been in preschool for two months. Already the teachers were encouraging his parents to have him evaluated for ADHD and consider medication.

His parents presented him as a very bright loving child who had a very high energy level. At home, everything was "fine." They had no problems at all with him until he entered school. There he would become overstimulated, particularly when at lunch or other less structured activities. He had a very hard time sitting still and, most problematic for the teachers, he would become impulsive and hit other children. It seemed to both his parents and the teachers that he did not intend to hurt the other children, but that he simply could not control himself.

His father recalled having similar difficulties as a child, but he had outgrown them. Other family members had similar qualities. Both parents seemed to be working well to help him manage his particular challenges. When I met Adam the week after I met with his parents, he was indeed a very bright and engaging little boy. He sat on the floor with me and played a game meant for much older children.

I shared with his parents my impression that likely on a genetic basis he had a tendency for high activity level, and the structured setting of school, which was so new to him, was especially challenging. We discussed some strategies for helping him manage his difficulties, and planned a follow up visit in a month.

A month later they called to say that things were going well and cancelled their appointment. Over the next year Mom called me several times and scheduled appointments, each time cancelling them. She would say that the school wanted him on medication, and she really didn't want to go that route. Then, a month or so into kindergarten, things were not going well. As it had been so long since I had seen them, I asked Mom and Dad to come alone to fill me in.

After about ten minutes of description of Adam's problem behavior, his parents, who were not married, let me know that they were no longer living together. I asked if there had been trouble in the relationship when I saw them the previous year. Reluctantly they acknowledged that "we have never really been together."

Soon I was listening to a barrage of ferocious attacks upon each other. Mom accused Dad of being inept and unavailable. Dad said that Mom simply wanted to drug her son into submission. I sat quietly on my seat as the conflict escalated, feeling increasingly alarmed. Finally I interrupted and asked them if this kind of conflict I was observing was typical, and if so, what that might be like for Adam.

The viciousness was immediately was diverted to me. They were both furious. "What does that have to do with anything? We're not here to talk about us. We just want your advice about how to manage Adam's behavior!"

I spent the rest of the visit trying to turn things around so that they felt I was working with them, not against them. I do not think I was successful. In addition to discussion what to do about Adam's behavior, I suggested that they all go for therapy to address the ongoing family conflict. They left angry and disappointed. I felt terrible. How could I have missed this?

Reading this study makes me wonder, if I could have told them that there was scientific evidence demonstrating that family conflict made a person at risk for ADHD more likely to develop the disorder, would they have been more honest with me? Would them have been more motivated to deal with the problems in their relationship?

I have great admiration for the scientists who are trying to unravel the complex interactions between genes and environment. I hope that parents will draw hope and inspiration from this work. Just because there is a "family history" of a disorder, a genetic risk, does not mean a child's fate is sealed.

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Great New Resource for Parents: Mind in the Making

2010-04-26T21:14:00.006-05:00

If you had to name 7 essential skills that you wanted to instill in your child that would benefit them throughout their life, what would be on that list? I hadn't really thought of this until I recently ran across a new book that's just been released called "Mind in the Making: Seven Essential Life Skills Every Child Needs." Here are the 7 skills discussed in the book:

1. Focus and Self Control – children need this skill in order to achieve their goals especially in a world that is filled with distractions and information overload.

2. Perspective Taking – children who can figure out what others feel and think are less likely to get involved in conflicts.

3. Communicating – children need to be able to determine what they want to communicate and how. This is the skill teachers and employers feel is most lacking today.

4. Making Connections – children who can make unusual connections are more creative and can go beyond knowing information to using information well.

5. Critical Thinking – children need to be able to search for reliable knowledge to guide their beliefs, decisions, and actions.

6. Taking on Challenges – children who can take on challenges instead of avoiding or simply coping with them will do better in school and in life.

7. Self-Directed Engaged Learning – lifelong learners can change as the world changes in order to reach their full potential.

The author, Ellen Galinsky, is a well-respected researcher in family and work issues. Although I haven't read the book yet, it sounds fascinating. She has brought together the work of some of the best child development researchers in the field to compile a "handbook" of sorts for parents. This book (much like the goal of this blog) is designed to take some of the best child development research and distill it down into a usable format for parents.

I recently heard a podcast with the author and one of the things she mentioned was how she noticed while interviewing children that many seem to have lost that spark of the desire to learn that all children are born with. I could really relate to this as I remember seeing this also while visiting schools as part of a previous job. This is sad because any of us who have very young children know that they are naturally curious and want to learn anything they can. Through Mind in the Making, Galinsky hopes to give parents concrete ideas for helping their kids keep that spark of learning throughout their entire life. This skill, along with the others outlined in the book, are helpful not only for kids' school experience but for their career and personal lives.

Along with the book, Mind in the Making will also have online videos, a vook (video book) and learning modules available for teachers and parents. What a great set of resources!

An Article by Dr. Charlotte Reznick

2010-04-19T20:42:00.008-05:00

In conjunction with yesterday's book review, I thought I would post an article by Dr. Reznick that gives a great example of her approach to working with children. If you find this helpful, check out her new book The Power of Your Child's Imagination.

Using Imagery to Create a Soothing Blanket of Sleep by Charlotte Reznick, PhD

It's the end of the day. You're tired. You've worked hard. The children have finally gone to bed. You're looking forward to some peace and quiet by yourself. All of a sudden you hear the cries of your normally loving youngster: "I can't sleep!" Or, your teen charges into the room and insists that they can't fall asleep because they're worrying about an exam the next day - a recent argument with their best friend - or a problem with their teacher. Wouldn't you like them to learn a technique to help let go of worries and tensions of the day and fall asleep peacefully and easily?

Guided imagery has been an especially effective tool in alleviating many kinds of sleep disturbances. When children and adolescents have difficulty sleeping at night, imagery can offer a soothing and comforting way to drift off into dreams. Children discover their own solutions by using tools such as meeting a wise 'animal' friend for advice or receiving a special gift to help fall asleep.

For example, one 11 year old girl was afraid to sleep alone in the aftermath of the recent L.A. earthquake. (Gail* had been sleeping in her parents room since the quake.) We went on an underwater voyage to explore her feelings and she was met by a wise mermaid who had several messages for her: "You are safe"; "You are just as safe in your room as in your parents'"; "Nothing can hurt you"; and "You can be calm." These internal messages were much more powerful than if she heard the same advice from her parent or therapist. The mermaid promised to watch over and protect her. After this session Gail began to sleep in her own room.

Gail then developed a fear that someone "bad" was going to come into her room if she slept alone; however, she was able to go "inside" and ask what could protect her if she slept in her own room. Gail imaged a "magic purple light" around her door that would keep out any harmful or scary people and only allow in friendly and helpful ones. Sleeping alone then became much easier for her.

You may choose to consider some of these techniques and adapt them to your children's personal needs. The following "guided" imagery is very effective for deep sleep. The adolescent that this particular imagery was developed for had difficulty falling and staying asleep because of ongoing stresses in her life. She found that listening to this imagery on tape each night helped tremendously. You will notice the images are simple and repetitive. It is helpful to use a very, very slow voice with relaxing, soft music in the background. You may choose to create a tape for your children or have them make one in their own voice.

“A Blanket of Sleep”

We're going to take some time now for you to relax ... and go very, very deep inside. To a place of peace ... of quiet ... and of sleep. Be aware that with each breath you take your breathing gets deeper and deeper. And your body gets more and more relaxed. Imagine yourself lying down in a wonderful comfortable bed. Perhaps it's like a fluffy white cloud that you can sink into. And with each breath your body sinks deeper ... and deeper into this soft fluffy white cloud.

With each breath you bring in a beautiful golden white light to help relax and put yourself to sleep. This golden white light washes over your body ... melts through the top of your head ... washes over your eyes ... down your cheeks ... your throat. Relaxing ... going into a deep sleep ... deeper and deeper as this beautiful golden white light washes over your body. And each breath you take brings you deeper and deeper into sleep ...relaxing.

And letting go ... letting go of the day ... of the week ... of anything that's being held ... As you breathe this light melts through your body ... through your neck ... into your shoulders ... down your arms ... relaxing ... deeper and deeper ... into your chest ... around your heart. Your heart opens and accepts the healing light ... releasing ... breathing deeper and deeper. Going deeper into your sleep. Easily breathing into your belly ... allowing this golden white light to blanket you. A blanket of sleep. as it goes down into your legs ... into your feet ...

A blanket of sleep tucking you in ... taking you back to a time that you slept as soon as you touched the pillow. Going back into that deep sleep state. Going back to a time that was easy for you to sleep ... where you were comforted and safe. Perhaps it's a long, long time ago. But there is a time where you are peaceful ... and happy ... and you are sleeping easily. Giving you comfort knowing you are totally safe. As you go deeper and deeper into your sleep. Dreaming ... peaceful thoughts ... precious thoughts.

Allowing yourself to go deeper and deeper ... until there is a door in front of you. A door that leads you down ... into a deeper sleep. And there is a special person waiting for you at that door. A very wise and loving person. Who takes your hand and leads you to an even deeper sleep. Where you're comfortable and safe. And all the thoughts of the day are let go. And you're totally at peace ... in your sleep. Totally at peace and calm.

As you go deeper and deeper ... the blanket of sleep covers you. You're so comfortable you find yourself drifting into the dreams. Into the wonderful dreams ... drifting in the warm blanket. Going deeper and deeper, deeper and deeper... into your sleep ... easily. Colors are floating around you. And the smells of sleep and comfort. As you continue to go deeper and deeper into your sleep. Allowing yourself to drift easily. Surprising yourself at how easy it is to sleep. How wonderful. How much you deserve to sleep easily... peacefully... Releasing all the tightness in your body.

As you sleep ... allow your body to rest. Cherish your body. Take care of yourself. All is good ... as you sleep. ......... And each night you go to sleep it is easier and easier to fall asleep quickly. You have peaceful and restful nights ... as you deserve. As you accept that ... you sleep ... deeply.... ......

Although we have touched on only a few, there are numerous ways to use imagery with children in times of sleep disturbances as well as with other concerns. Guided and interactive imagery have been powerful and effective tools to help children re-develop and re-member their internal resources and strengths temporarily lost during times of stress. We are only limited by our own and out children's imagination. Their wisdom is within; we are merely guides for helping them shine their light.

*Name changed for confidentiality.

Originally published in: Awareness Magazine, November/December 1994

Dr. Charlotte Reznick has dedicated her life to helping children, adolescents, parents, and professionals. She is a nationally recognized child and educational Psychologist and Associate Clinical Professor of Psychology at UCLA. Upon earning her Ph.D. in Educational Psychology from the University of Southern California, she was honored with "Dissertation of the Year" for her work on the effects of parental divorce on adolescents. The Power of Your Child’s Imagination is a heart-felt guide that shows parents and professionals how to empower children with easy, effective, and creative skills for surviving – and thriving – in our stressful world. It’s an indispensable guide that provides nine simple tools to help kids access their natural strengths and resources. There’s a mini-primer for each Tool—a sample script, troubleshooting tips, and real-life examples of how it is used. The Tools are adaptable to all ages (even adults can use them), and their benefits accumulate over time.

Celebrate Earth Day with Your Kids (plus a Giveaway!)

2010-04-17T15:12:00.014-05:00

Earth Day is just about upon us and it made me think about how parents could use this day as an opportunity to help kids learn about the environment and conservation. Here are a few ideas I thought of for helping children understand more about the Earth and it's precious resources:

** Help children plant a flower, or better yet a vegetable plant. This is great because it helps kids understand that vegetables don't originally come from the grocery story but from the Earth.

** Teach children to conserve water and electricity whenever possible. Examples: turning off water when brushing teeth, turning off lights when leaving a room.

** Take kids on an outing to a local farm or orchard. Even if you live in an urban area, many times a farm or orchard is just a short drive outside the city.

** Even young kids can help sort items for recycling. Young children usually like sorting games and recycling can put their sorting skills to good use.

** Take your kids to visit a state or national park. While there, go for a nature hike and point out new animals, plants or insects that you find.

One of my favorite blog, Because Babies Grow Up, has some more wonderful ideas for helping your children understand Earth Day. Here are also some other great Earth Day tips and spring recipes.

*********GIVEAWAY***********

In honor of Earth Day, our regional grocery chain, H-E-B (yeah for Texas companies), has offered to give three lucky readers a reusable grocery tote. To enter, just leave a comment on this post mentioning ideas for helping kids celebrate Earth Day.

** For extra entries:

- Visit H-E-B's Earth Day site and post a comment mentioning one of the tips you find there

- Become a fan of The Thoughtful Parent on Facebook (and post a comment here telling me). If you are already a fan, post a comment saying so.

- Follow The Thoughtful Parent on Twitter (@thoughtparent) (and post a comment here telling me). If you're already a follower, post a comment saying so.

**Winner will be randomly chosen from all entries received by 8:00pm (CST) on Sunday April 25.**

(open to US residents only)

Book Review: The Power of Your Child's Imagination

2010-04-15T14:58:00.014-05:00

I recently had the opportunity to read a copy of The Power of Your Child's Imagination: How to Transform Stress and Anxiety into Joy and Success by Dr. Charlotte Reznick.When I first saw the title of the book, I thought, "what does imagination have to do with overcoming stress?" Upon reading the first few pages of the book, however, the connection became clear. Much of the reason why children (and adults for that matter) find certain things stressful is because of the way we think about events. How you perceive something relates to what emotions you have about it. So if you can figure out how to think about a situation differently, your emotions about it may change as well. Much research supports this idea and this is the approach Dr. Reznick takes in helping kids cope with stress. In the book, she focuses on helping kids from the inside out. That is, showing parents how to help their child learn tools to cope with stress and anxiety so that any behavioral or physical health issues they may be having will improve also. Here is one quote that I really like and I think captures the focus of the book,

"For a child to thrive in the world, he must thrive inside. We spend so much time on the externals--how children behave, how they handle their bodies and interact with others--that we rarely address the inside places where personality and imagination, mind and heart, reside."

Before reading this book, I hadn't really considered the stresses that children face in everyday life. Much like adults, children experience stress and anxiety over things like interaction with peers, family turmoil, or death of a loved one. Unlike adults, however, children do not have the life experience and emotional maturity to cope with it as well. In some cases, the stress may even exhibit itself in physical ways. Dr. Reznick cites that up to 30-40% of children experience pain at least once a week. This is largely issues such as stomachaches and headaches which are often stress-related. In the book, Dr. Reznick outlines 9 tools of imagination that parents can help children learn in order to cope better with stress, including:

- The Balloon Breath

- Discovering Your Special Place

- Meeting a Wise Animal Friend

- Encountering a Personal Wizard

- Receiving Gifts from Inner Guides

- Checking in with Heart and Belly

- Talking to Toes and Other Body Parts

- Using Color for Healing

- Tapping into Energy

These sound intriguing, right? Dr. Reznick describes each tool and offers concrete explains of how parents can help their child learn to use each strategy. One of the best aspects of the book is that Dr. Reznick provides examples from her own clinical experience of how children have used these tools to deal with a variety of stressful situations. She describes very hands-on examples of how parents can guide their children through these tools and offers troubleshooting tips if challenges arise.

After reading this book, I really felt like these were tools that both children and parents would find useful for dealing with stress. Parenting is stressful enough as it is, so we all need tools to help ourselves and our children cope with the challenges of life. Please check out this book and see for yourself. Here is more information about Dr. Reznick and her book:

The Power of Your Child’s Imagination is a heart-felt guide that shows parents and professionals how to empower children with easy, effective, and creative skills for surviving – and thriving – in our stressful world. It’s an indispensable guide that provides nine simple tools to help kids access their natural strengths and resources. There’s a mini-primer for each Tool—a sample script, troubleshooting tips, and real-life examples of how it is used. The Tools are adaptable to all ages (even adults can use them), and their benefits accumulate over time.

For more information, or to purchase a copy of The Power of Your Child's Imagination, please visit http://www.imageryforkids.com/

To download a free e-book with more information on The Power of Your Child's Imagination: How to Transform Stress and Anxiety into Joy and Success and Dr Reznick , visit http://bookpromotionservices.com/reznick/. For a limited time Dr Reznick is offering a very special gift to each person who purchases a copy of her book, including over 80 free gifts, please visithttp://www.imageryforkids.com/book/ for all details.

Stay tuned tomorrow for some great resources (articles, interviews, etc.) from Dr. Reznick!

The Ultimate Blog Party!

2010-04-09T09:51:00.006-05:00

I don't usually participate in too many blog parties, events, etc. but 5 Minutes for Mom's Ultimate Blog Party is an exception. This is the blog party to end all blog parties. I have found many great blogs and bloggers by participating in this event. Join in the fun!

By the way, did I mention they have prizes. Personally, I would love to win the following:

- A $150 shopping spree at A Rocking Horse to Love (after all I do have a 9 month old who I'm sure would LOVE a rocking horse)

-A $20 Amazon gift certificate provided by For Such a Time as This (always useful for any number of things)

- A $200 Apple gift certificate provided by CmomGo (how cool is the iPhone)

Of course I would love just about any of the cool prizes offered this year. Check out the party for yourself and find some new blogs to read.

New Survey Results on Parenting Infants and Toddlers

2010-04-08T09:22:00.005-05:00

The organization Zero to Three just released results from it's latest survey of parents. This is a wonderful large-scale survey of over 1,600 parents of children age birth to 3 years. The goal of the study was to find out what challenges parents today face, what influences their parenting, and what possible gaps in information exist in their knowledge of child development. Being the geek that I am, I find these types of surveys interesting and insightful. It's great to have sort of a national "picture" of what's going on with parenting today. Here are some of the most interesting findings:

--The vast majority of parents (70-90%) understand the importance of activities like reading, talking, and singing for babies and young children's brain development

--Fewer parents (less than half) understand when babies start to experience emotions and how parents' emotions can affect them

-for example, most babies are able to experience emotions such as fear and sadness around 6 months but most parents (70%) thought this occurred later

-most babies can also sense emotions in parents (like anger or sadness) around 6 months but 65% of parents thought this occurred later

--Quite a few parents (about 20%) thought that a child can control their emotions (e.g., not have a tantrum when frustrated) by age 2.

-most children do not have this ability until closer to 3-5 years of age

I found these particular findings interesting because it seems that we, as a country, are good about educating parents on the educational or intellectual development of children, but maybe less effective in educating parents on the social and emotional development of children. Most people know it's good to read to their children and there are all sorts of educational toys on the market. I think it's easier to forget about the emotions of babies and young children. Since they cannot express their emotions verbally yet, I think sometimes we forget they aren't just little adults but they have a lot of emotion they don't have the ability to handle quite yet. If nothing else, I think studies like these help us remember to keep realistic expectations regarding what very young children can do and what's going on in those little brains of theirs.

There are also some interesting findings about how family members and faith traditions influence parenting, as well as how the economic downturn has affected parents. The full findings and reports can be found here. Thanks to Zero to Three for continuing to promote a broader understanding of child development and helping us all be better parents.

The Thoughtful Parent featured on Mamapedia Voices

2010-03-20T10:09:00.004-05:00

Starting Sunday, March 21st, The Thoughtful Parent will be featured on Mamapedia Voices. My article, "Yet Another Reason Not to Fight in Front of the Kids" will be running on the main page along with some other great articles. Mamapedia is a great, interactive website that offers advice, opinions and ways to connect with other moms. Please check out my article and all the other great articles and features! Feel free to join the site and add your own comments and questions--you're likely to find some great mom wisdom.

Yes, the Little Things Matter: Parents' Role in Helping Kids Become Socially Competent

2010-03-15T10:12:00.014-05:00

Parents out there you know how it goes: you play the same game over and over again with your toddler or you help them put together a puzzle. This is the daily "stuff" of parenting and you may feel it doesn't make a difference. Well, turns out, it does make a difference! A recent study from the University of Montreal and the University of Minnesota shows that how parents interact with young children helps them develop crucial cognitive skills. Here's a brief overview of the study:

- researchers studied 80 pairs of moms and their one-year-old children

- the study focused on how moms interacted with their children in tasks such as playing games or putting together puzzles

- the researchers examined how these interactions predicted children's "advanced cognitive functions"--those are things like controlling impulses, remembering things and having mental flexibility

It turns out that how moms interact with their children in these tasks help the child develop these important cognitive skills. Children whose moms who interacted in the following ways had better cognitive skills at 18-26 months:

- provided guidance and scaffolding in tasks that were difficult for the child but did not take over the do the task for him/her

- followed the child lead and pace in completing the task or playing the game

- used a warm and sensitive tone when interacting with the child

One of the most important findings of the study was that these types of interactions helped support the child's autonomous behavior--that is, the child learns to do activities on their own. This is crucial because autonomy helps the child develop a sense of self and accomplishment.

So parents if you had any doubt that the little things you do everyday matter, worry

no more. All those moments of guidance and support really do help your child

become an independent, competent youngster.

For other commentary on this study click here.

Bernier, A., Carlson, S., & Whipple, N. (2010). From External Regulation to Self-Regulation: Early Parenting Precursors of Young Children’s Executive Functioning Child Development, 81 (1), 326-339 DOI: 10.1111/j.1467-8624.2009.01397.x

Photo credit

Toddlers Really Do Have Their Own Language

2010-03-01T10:06:00.004-06:00

Although my little guy (8 months) isn't talking yet (at least not real words), I know we've all been around toddlers who seem to have a language all their own. Sometimes Mom and Dad can understand this toddler-ease; sometimes not. Now, a new study shows that toddlers really do develop their own individual language and grammar rules.

The study looked at 2 and 3-year olds and analyzed over 60 hours of conversation they had with their parents. I think most parents would not really find the results surprising. Instead of adhering to the rules of English, each toddler developed their own individualized "rules" for categorizing words into nouns and verbs and have to put them together. In other words, the process of learning language seems to be, as the authors describe, "gradual and piecemeal." This surprised some researchers who have previously thought that children had an innate understanding of verbs and nouns, at least in an general way. This new study shows that this may not be the case, but that toddlers just gradual figure out language as they are exposed to it.

The thing I find fascinating about this study is that each child develops their own system for understanding language. Probably some of you with multiple children have experienced this yourself. Maybe one of your children learned language in a different way than another. For example, I've heard kids start to add "ed" to the end of every word once they figured out that it often means past tense. So instead of "I stood next to him," the child says, "I standed next to him." Turns out, this is all part of each child's own way of figuring out the rules of grammar. Interesting stuff!

Attachment Podcast

2010-02-11T15:34:00.006-06:00

I was just finishing up the previous post when I came across this excellent podcast on infant-parent attachment. This is from a wonderful series called "Good Enough Moms." The hosts are a mother-daughter duo who discuss all things parenting and child development-related. One of the hosts, Marti Erikson has a PhD and is a professor/researcher who specializes in attachment theory. Her daughter Erin has a background in Public Health and is a mom with 2 young kids at home so she has a lot of real-world questions.

The podcast on infant-parent attachment is great and explains many of the basic concepts of attachment and how it develops. They also discuss the distinction between attachment theory and attachment parenting. All of this, by chance, fits perfectly with my previous post.

So check out this excellent podcast to learn more about infant-parent attachment.

Attachment Theory: Part 2

2010-02-09T09:24:00.008-06:00

In the last post, I discussed the origins of Attachment Theory and how researchers first began to conceptualize infant-parent attachment. Psychologist Mary Ainsworth first began studying and testing her theory of attachment in Uganda in the mid-1950s. She intensely observed mothers and infants in their homes in Uganda several hours a day for up to nine months. Upon returning to the U.S., she continued a similar type of study in Baltimore with a sample of American mothers and infants. Ultimately she devised a study method called the Strange Situation which enabled researchers to determine what kind of attachment an infant had with his/her parent. Here's a video clip of how the Strange Situation works:

Basically, the Strange Situation involves a series of short separations and reunions between the infant (usually around 12 months old) and his/her parent or primarily caregiver (usually the mother). How the child responds to the parent when she returns is key to understanding the attachment style. Ainsworth ultimately developed four attachment categories based on the Strange Situation:

- Secure: Most children (about 60%) play happily when in the same room with their mother. They typically spend some time close to their mother and some time exploring their surroundings. They use their mother as a "secure base" from which to explore their new environment. Upon separation these children are typically somewhat distressed but are easily calmed and comforted by their mother when she returns.

- Ambivalent: Some children do not use their mother as a secure base to such a degree and instead, try to stay close to her even before the separation. When separated these children are extremely upset. Upon reunion with their mother, they seem to react with some ambivalence--they may cry to be picked up but then seem to push the mother away or not be easily soothed.

- Avoidant: Some children show a pattern of avoidance with their mother. They do not engage in play with their mother while she is in the room and when she leaves they show little distress. Upon reunion with their mother, these children do not try to readily seek her out.

- Disorganized: This category was developed several years later. These children are often very distressed by separations from their mothers but display disorganized behavior upon her return such as approaching but then backing away. They may show behaviors like frozen expressions or rocking. Most often these patterns are seen among children whose mothers have mental health problems or have experienced extreme trauma.

It is important to note that most children exhibit a secure attachment with their caregiver. Research has shown that children who show signs of insecure attachment (i.e., avoidant, ambivalent, etc.) most often have parents who were unresponsive or inconsistent in their responses to the child (i.e., sometimes responsive but not always) so he/she doesn't know how to react.

I also want to point out that attachment theory is different from attachment parenting. In developing attachment theory, psychologists Bowlby and Ainsworth did not set out any specific parenting techniques per se. Ainsworth wrote that the main factors that influence attachment are: sensitivity-insensitivity, acceptance-rejection, cooperation-interference, and accessibility-ignoring.

Attachment parenting is a termed coined in recent years (not by Ainsworth) to describe a combination of certain parenting techniques and principles. Proponents of attachment parenting often encourage practices such natural birth, co-sleeping, and babywearing. While the original attachment theorists (Ainsworth and Bowlby) focused on sensitive, responsive parenting they never referenced many of the terms used in attachment parenting circles. In other words, a parent can form a secure attachment with their child in other ways that solely focusing on "attachment parenting" techniques.

For more information:

Social Issue Reference

Twitter Chat on Thursday!

2010-02-03T09:12:00.006-06:00

I'll be a guest blogger on my first Twitter chat this Thursday (2/4) at 9 am CST. Gevalia sponsors a weekly Twitter chat called BeanChat and they've asked me to be the guest blogger of the week. Each week is a different topic. They discuss topics like food, parenting, health, fitness, and fashion. This week we'll be discussing child development and parenting. Please join us at 9 am CST.

Here's the link with instruction for joining the chat: http://bit.ly/JoinBeanChat. Use the hashtag #beanchat to join in.

Check out Gevalia's Facebook page for more info.