The Thoughtful Parent featured on Mamapedia Voices

Starting Sunday, March 21st, The Thoughtful Parent will be featured on Mamapedia Voices. My article, "Yet Another Reason Not to Fight in Front of the Kids" will be running on the main page along with some other great articles. Mamapedia is a great, interactive website that offers advice, opinions and ways to connect with other moms. Please check out my article and all the other great articles and features! Feel free to join the site and add your own comments and questions--you're likely to find some great mom wisdom.

Yes, the Little Things Matter: Parents' Role in Helping Kids Become Socially Competent

Parents out there you know how it goes: you play the same game over and over again with your toddler or you help them put together a puzzle. This is the daily "stuff" of parenting and you may feel it doesn't make a difference. Well, turns out, it does make a difference! A recent study from the University of Montreal and the University of Minnesota shows that how parents interact with young children helps them develop crucial cognitive skills. Here's a brief overview of the study:

- researchers studied 80 pairs of moms and their one-year-old children

- the study focused on how moms interacted with their children in tasks such as playing games or putting together puzzles

- the researchers examined how these interactions predicted children's "advanced cognitive functions"--those are things like controlling impulses, remembering things and having mental flexibility

It turns out that how moms interact with their children in these tasks help the child develop these important cognitive skills. Children whose moms who interacted in the following ways had better cognitive skills at 18-26 months:

- provided guidance and scaffolding in tasks that were difficult for the child but did not take over the do the task for him/her

- followed the child lead and pace in completing the task or playing the game

- used a warm and sensitive tone when interacting with the child

One of the most important findings of the study was that these types of interactions helped support the child's autonomous behavior--that is, the child learns to do activities on their own. This is crucial because autonomy helps the child develop a sense of self and accomplishment.

So parents if you had any doubt that the little things you do everyday matter, worry

no more. All those moments of guidance and support really do help your child

become an independent, competent youngster.

For other commentary on this study click here.

Bernier, A., Carlson, S., & Whipple, N. (2010). From External Regulation to Self-Regulation: Early Parenting Precursors of Young Children’s Executive Functioning Child Development, 81 (1), 326-339 DOI: 10.1111/j.1467-8624.2009.01397.x

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Toddlers Really Do Have Their Own Language

Although my little guy (8 months) isn't talking yet (at least not real words), I know we've all been around toddlers who seem to have a language all their own. Sometimes Mom and Dad can understand this toddler-ease; sometimes not. Now, a new study shows that toddlers really do develop their own individual language and grammar rules.

The study looked at 2 and 3-year olds and analyzed over 60 hours of conversation they had with their parents. I think most parents would not really find the results surprising. Instead of adhering to the rules of English, each toddler developed their own individualized "rules" for categorizing words into nouns and verbs and have to put them together. In other words, the process of learning language seems to be, as the authors describe, "gradual and piecemeal." This surprised some researchers who have previously thought that children had an innate understanding of verbs and nouns, at least in an general way. This new study shows that this may not be the case, but that toddlers just gradual figure out language as they are exposed to it.

The thing I find fascinating about this study is that each child develops their own system for understanding language. Probably some of you with multiple children have experienced this yourself. Maybe one of your children learned language in a different way than another. For example, I've heard kids start to add "ed" to the end of every word once they figured out that it often means past tense. So instead of "I stood next to him," the child says, "I standed next to him." Turns out, this is all part of each child's own way of figuring out the rules of grammar. Interesting stuff!